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them) have been at bo-peep, -- or some- thing has been wrong above, or below with us. 'Tis possible, answered Yorick. -- But is the child, cried my uncle Toby, the worse ? -- The Troglodytes say not, replied my father. -- And your theologists, Yo- rick, tell us -- Theologically ? said Yorick, -- or speaking after the manner of * apo- thecaries ? -- Ý statesmen ? -- or  washer-women ? ---- I'm not sure, replied my father, -- but they tell us, brother Toby, he's the better for it. ---- Provided, said Yo- rick, you travel him into Egypt. ---- Of that, answered my father, he will have * Khalepes nosou, kai dusiaton apallage, hen anthraka kalousin. PHILO. Ý Ta temnomena ton ethnon polugonotata, kai po- luanthropotata einai. Kathariotetos eineken.
BOCHART. 1 the |
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the advantage, when he sees the Pyra- mids. ---- Now every word of this, quoth my uncle Toby, is Arabick to me. ---- I wish, said Yorick, 'twas so, to half the world. -- * ILUS, continued my father, cir- cumcised his whole army one morning. -- Not without a court martial ? cried my uncle Toby. ---- Though the learned, continued he, taking no notice of my uncle Toby's remark, but turning to Yo- rick, -- are greatly divided still who Ilus was; -- some say Saturn; -- some the su- preme Being ; -- others, no more than a brigadier general under Pharaoh-neco. ---- Let him be who he will, said my uncle Toby, I know not by what article of war he could justify it. * `O Ilos, ta aidoia peritemnetai, tauto poiesai kai tous ham' auto summakhous katanankasas. SANCHUNIATHO. H 3 The |
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The controvertists, answered my fa- ther, assign two and twenty different rea- sons for it : -- others indeed, who have drawn their pens on the opposite side of the question, have shewn the world the futility of the greatest part of them. -- But then again, our best polemic di- vines -- I wish there was not a polemic divine, said Yorick, in the kingdom ; -- one ounce of practical divinity -- is worth a painted ship load of all their reverences have imported these fifty years. -- Pray, Mr. Yorick, quoth my uncle Toby, -- do tell me what a polemic divine is. ---- The best description, captain Shandy, I have ever read, is a couple of 'em, replied Yorick, in the account of the battle fought single hands betwixt Gym- nast and captain Tripet ; which I have in my pocket. ---- I beg I may hear it, quoth my uncle Toby earnestly. -- You shall, said Yorick. -- And as the corporal is waiting for me at the door, -- and I know |
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know the description of a battle, will do the poor fellow more good than his supper, -- I beg, brother, you'll give him leave to come in. -- With all my soul, said my father. ---- Trim came in, erect and happy as an emperour ; and having shut the door, Yorick took a book from his right-hand coat pocket, and read, or pretended to read, as follows. ---- `` which words being heard by `` all the soldiers which were there, di- `` vers of them being inwardly terrified, `` did shrink back and make room for `` the assailant : all this did Gymnast very `` well remark and consider ; and there- `` fore, making as if he would have `` alighted from off his horse, as he was `` poising himself on the mounting side, `` he most nimbly (with his short sword `` by his thigh) shifting his feet in the H 4 `` stirrup |
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`` stirrup and performing the stirrup-lea- `` ther feat, whereby, after the inclining `` of his body downwards, he forthwith `` launched himself aloft into the air, and `` placed both his feet together upon the `` saddle, standing upright, with his `` back turned towards his horse's head, `` -- Now (said he) my case goes forward. `` Then suddenly in the same posture `` wherein he was, he fetched a gambol `` upon one foot, and turning to the left- `` hand, failed not to carry his body per- `` fectly round, just into his former po- `` sition, without missing one jot. ---- `` Ha ! said Tripet, I will not do that `` at this time, -- and not without cause. `` Well, said Gymnast, I have failed, -- `` I will undo this leap ; then with a `` marvellous strength and agility, turn- `` ing towards the right-hand, he fetched `` another frisking gambol as before ; `` which done, he set his right-hand `` thumb upon the bow of the saddle, `` raised |
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`` raised himself up, and sprung into the `` air, poising and upholding his whole `` weight upon the muscle and nerve of `` the said thumb, and so turned and `` whirled himself about three times : at `` the fourth, reversing his body and o- `` verturning it upside-down, and fore- `` side back, without touching any thing, `` he brought himself betwixt the horse's `` two ears, and then giving himself a `` jerking swing, he seated himself upon `` the crupper ---- '' (This can't be fighting, said my uncle Toby. ---- The corporal shook his head at it. ---- Have patience, said Yorick.) `` Then (Tripet) pass'd his right leg `` over his saddle, and placed himself en `` croup. -- But, said he, 'twere better for `` me to get into the saddle ; then put- `` ting the thumbs of both hands upon `` the crupper before him, and thereup- `` on |
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`` on leaning himself, as upon the only `` supporters of his body, he incontinent- `` ly turned heels over head in the air, `` and straight found himself betwixt the `` bow of the saddle in a tolerable seat ; `` then springing into the air with a sum- `` merset, he turned him about like a `` wind mill, and made above a hundred `` frisks, turns, and demi-pommadas.'' -- Good God ! cried Trim, losing all pa- tience, -- one home thrust of a bayonet is worth it all. ---- I think so too, replied Yorick. ---- -- I am of a contrary opinion, quoth my father. ---- No, -- I think I have advanced nothing, replied my father, making answer to a question which Yorick had taken the liberty to put to him, -- I have ad- |
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advanced nothing in the Tristrapædia, but what is as clear as any one proposi- tion in Euclid. -- Reach me, Trim, that book from off the scrutoir : ---- it has oft times been in my mind, continued my father, to have read it over both to you, Yorick, and to my brother Toby, and I think it a little unfriendly in myself, in not having done it long ago : ---- shall we have a short chapter or two now, -- and a chapter or two hereafter, as occa- sions serve ; and so on, till we get through the whole ? My uncle Toby and Yorick made the obeisance which was proper ; and the corporal, though he was not in- cluded in the compliment, laid his hand upon his breast, and made his bow at the same time. ---- The company smiled. Trim, quoth my father, has paid the full price for staying out the entertain- ment. ---- He did not seem to relish the play, replied Yorick. ---- 'Twas a Tom- fool-battle, an' please your reverence, of 3 captain |
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captain Tripet's and that other officer, making so many summersets, as they ad- vanced ; ---- the French come on caper- ing now and then in that way, -- but not quite so much. My uncle Toby never felt the consci- ousness of his existence with more com- placency than what the corporal's, and his own reflections, made him do at that moment ; ---- he lighted his pipe, ---- Yorick drew his chair closer to the table, -- Trim snuff'd the candle, -- my father stirred up the fire, -- took up the book, -- cough'd twice, and begun. THE first thirty pages, said my father, turning over the leaves, -- are a little dry ; and as they are not close- ly connected with the subject, ---- for the present we'll pass them by : 'tis a prefa- tory |
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tory introduction, continued my father, or an introductory preface (for I am not determined which name to give it) upon political or civil government ; the foun- dation of which being laid in the first conjunction betwixt male and female, for procreation of the species ---- I was insensibly led into it. ---- 'Twas natural, said Yorick. The original of society, continued my father, I'm satisfied is, what Politian tells us, i. e. merely conjugal ; and no- thing more than the getting together of one man and one woman; -- to which, (according to Hesiod) the philosopher adds a servant : ---- but supposing in the first beginning there were no men servants born ---- he lays the foundation of it, in a man, -- a woman -- and a bull. ---- I believe 'tis an ox, quoth Yorick, quot- ing the passage (oikon men protista, gunaika te, boun t' arotera.) ---- A bull must have given |
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given more trouble than his head was worth. ---- But there is a better reason still, said my father, (dipping his pen into his ink) for, the ox being the most patient of animals, and the most useful withal in tilling the ground for their nourishment, -- was the properest instru- ment, and emblem too, for the new-join- ed couple, that the creation could have associated with them. -- And there is a stronger reason, added my uncle Toby, than them all for the ox. -- My father had not power to take his pen out of his ink- horn, till he had heard my uncle Toby's reason. -- For when the ground was til- led, said my uncle Toby, and made worth inclosing, then they began to secure it by walls and ditches, which was the ori- gin of fortification. ---- True, true ; dear Toby, cried my father, striking out the bull, and putting the ox in his place. My father gave Trim a nod, to snuff the candle, and resumed his discourse. ---- I |
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---- I enter upon this speculation, said my father carelessly, and half shutting the book, as he went on, -- merely to shew the foundation of the natural rela- tion between a father and his child; the right and jurisdiction over whom he ac- quires these several ways -- 1 st, by marriage. 2d, by adoption. 3d, by legitimation. And 4th, by procreation ; all which I consider in their order. I lay a slight stress upon one of them ; replied Yorick ---- the act, especially where it ends there, in my opinion lays as little obligation upon the child, as it conveys power to the father. -- You are wrong, -- said my father argutely, and for this plain reason * * * * * * * * * * * |
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* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *. -- I own, added my father, that the offspring, up- on this account, is not so under the power and jurisdiction of the mother. -- But the reason, replied Yorick, equally holds good for her. ---- She is under au- thority herself, said my father : -- and besides, continued my father, nodding his head and laying his finger upon the side of his nose, as he assigned his rea- son, -- she is not the principal agent, Yo- rick. -- In what ? quoth my uncle Toby, stopping his pipe. -- Though by all means, added my father (not attending to my uncle Toby) `` The son ought to pay `` her respect,'' as you may read, Yorick, at large in the first book of the Institutes of Justinian, at the eleventh title and the tenth section. -- I can read it as well, re- plied Yorick, in the Catechism. C H A P. |
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TRIM can repeat every word of it by heart, quoth my uncle Toby. -- Pugh ! said my father, not caring to be inter- rupted with Trim's saying his Catechism. He can upon my honour, replied my uncle Toby. -- Ask him, Mr. Yorick, any question you please. ---- -- The fifth Commandment, Trim -- said Yorick, speaking mildly, and with a gentle nod, as to a modest Catechumen. The corporal stood silent. -- You don't ask him right, said my uncle Toby, rais- ing his voice, and giving it rapidly like the word of command ; ---- The fifth ---- ---- cried my uncle Toby. -- I must begin with the first, an' please your ho- nour, said the corporal. ---- -- Yorick could not forbear smiling. -- Your reverence does not consider, said VOL. V. I the |
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the corporal, shouldering his stick like a musket, and marching into the mid- dle of the room, to illustrate his position, -- that 'tis exactly the same thing, as doing one's exercise in the field. -- `` Join your right hand to your fire- lock,'' cried the corporal, giving the word of command, and performing the motion. -- `` Poise your firelock,'' cried the cor- poral, doing the duty still of both adjutant and private man. -- `` Rest your firelock;'' -- one motion, an' please your reverence, you see leads into another. -- If his honour will begin but with the first -- THE FIRST -- cried my uncle Toby, set- ting his hand upon his side -- * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *. THE |
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THE SECOND -- cried my uncle Toby, waving his tobacco-pipe, as he would have done his sword at the head of a re- giment. -- The corporal went through his manual with exactness ; and having ho- noured his father and mother, made a low bow, and fell back to the side of the room. Every thing in this world, said my father, is big with jest, -- and has wit in it, and instruction too, -- if we can but find it out. -- Here is the scaffold work of I NSTRUC- TION, its true point of folly, without the BUILDING behind it. -- -- Here is the glass for pedagogues, preceptors, tutors, governours, gerund- grinders and bear-leaders to view them- selves in, in their true dimensions. -- I 2 Oh ! |
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Oh ! there is a husk and shell, Yorick, which grows up with learning, which their unskilfulness knows not how to fling away ! -- SCIENCES MAY BE LEARNED BY ROTE, BUT WISDOM NOT. Yorick thought my father inspired. -- I will enter into obligations this moment, said my father, to lay out all my aunt Dinah's legacy, in charitable uses (of which, by the bye, my father had no high opinion) if the corporal has any one determinate idea annexed to any one word he has repeated. -- Prythee, Trim, quoth my father, turning round to him, -- What do'st thou mean, by `` honour- `` ing thy father and mother ?'' Allowing them, an' please your ho- nour, three halfpence a day out of my pay, when they grew old. -- And didst thou do that, Trim ? said Yorick. -- He 3 did |
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did indeed, replied my uncle Toby. -- Then, Trim, said Yorick, springing out of his chair, and taking the corporal by the hand, thou art the best commenta- tor upon that part of the Decalogue ; and I honour thee more for it, corporal Trim, than if thou hadst had a hand in the Talmud itself. O Blessed health ! cried my father, making an exclamation, as he turned over the leaves to the next chap- ter, -- thou art above all gold and trea- sure ; 'tis thou who enlargest the soul, -- and openest all its powers to receive in- struction and to relish virtue. -- He that has thee, has little more to wish for ; -- and he that is so wretched as to want thee, -- wants every thing with thee. I have concentrated all that can be said upon this important head, said my I 3 father, |
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father, into a very little room, therefore we'll read the chapter quite thro'. My father read as follows. `` The whole secret of health depend- `` ing upon the due contention for ma- `` stery betwixt the radical heat and the `` radical moisture'' -- You have proved that matter of fact, I suppose, above, said Yorick. Sufficiently, replied my father. In saying this, my father shut the book, -- not as if he resolved to read no more of it, for he kept his forefinger in the chapter : ---- nor pettishly, -- for he shut the book slowly ; his thumb resting, when he had done it, upon the upper- side of the cover, as his three fingers sup- ported the lower-side of it, without the least compressive violence. ---- 1 I |
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I have demonstrated the truth of that point, quoth my father, nodding to Yo- rick, most sufficiently in the preceding chapter. Now could the man in the moon be told, that a man in the earth had wrote a chapter, sufficiently demonstrating, That the secret of all health depended upon the due contention for mastery betwixt the radical heat and the radical moisture, -- and that he had managed the point so well, that there was not one single word wet or dry upon radical heat or radical moisture, throughout the whole chap- ter, -- or a single syllable in it, pro or con, directly or indirectly, upon the con- tention betwixt these two powers in any part of the animal oeconomy ---- `` O thou eternal maker of all beings !'' -- he would cry, striking his breast with his right hand, (in case he had one) -- I 4 `` Thou |
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