[ 140 ]

ground ---- I instantly saw it was my
own writing ----

  -- O Seignieur! cried I -- you have got
all my remarks upon your head, Madam!
---- J'en suis bien mortifiée, said she ----
'tis well, thinks I, they have stuck there
-- for could they have gone deeper, they
would have made such confusion in a
French woman's noddle -- She had better
have gone with it unfrizled, to the day
of eternity.

  Tenez -- said she -- so without any idea
of the nature of my suffering, she took
them from her curls, and put them
gravely one by one into my hat ---- one
was twisted this way ---- another twisted
that ---- ay! by my faith ; and when
they are published, quoth I, ----

  They will be worse twisted still.
                          C H A P.

[ 141 ]


AND now for Lippius's clock! said
I, with the air of a man, who had
got thro' all his difficulties ---- nothing
can prevent us seeing that, and the
Chinese history, &c. except the time,
said François ---- for 'tis almost eleven
-- then we must speed the faster, said I,
striding it away to the cathedral.

  I cannot say, in my heart, that it gave
me any concern in being told by one of
the minor canons, as I was entering the
west door, -- That Lippius's great clock
was all out of joints, and had not gone
for some years ---- It will give me the
more time, thought I, to peruse the Chi-
nese history ; and besides I shall be able
to give the world a better account of the

[ 142 ]

clock in its decay, than I could have
done in its flourishing condition ----

  ---- And so away I posted to the
college of the Jesuits.

  Now it is with the project of getting a
peep at the history of China in Chinese
characters -- as with many others I could
mention, which strike the fancy only at a
distance ; for as I came nearer and nearer
to the point -- my blood cool'd -- the freak
gradually went off, till, at length I would
not have given a cherry-stone to have it
gratified ---- The truth was, my time
was short, and my heart was at the Tomb
of the Lovers ---- I wish to God, said I,
as I got the rapper in my hand, that the
key of the library may be but lost ; it fell
out as well ----

             1              For

[ 143 ]

  For all the JESUITS had got the cholic
-- and to that degree, as never was known
in the memory of the oldest practi-

C H A P. XL.

AS I knew the geography of the
Tomb of the Lovers, as well as
if I had lived twenty years in Lyons,
namely, that it was upon the turning of
my right hand, just without the gate,
leading to the Fauxbourg de Vaise ----
I dispatch'd François to the boat, that
I might pay the homage I so long ow'd
it, without a witness of my weakness. --
I walk'd with all imaginable joy towards
the place ---- when I saw the gate which
intercepted the tomb, my heart glowed
within me ----
                          -- Tender

[ 144 ]

  -- Tender and faithful spirits! cried I,
addressing myself to Amandus and A-
manda -- long -- long have I tarried to
drop this tear upon your tomb ------ I
come ------ I come ------

  When I came -- there was no tomb to
drop it upon.

  What would I have given for my uncle
Toby to have whistled, Lillo bullero!


NO matter how, or in what mood --
but I flew from the tomb of the
lovers -- or rather I did not fly from it --
(for there was no such thing existing) and
just got time enough to the boat to save
my passage ; -- and e'er I had sailed a hun-
dred yards, the Rhône and the Saôn met
together, and carried me down merrily
betwixt them.

[ 145 ]

  But I have described this voyage down
the Rhône before I made it ------

  ---- So now I am at Avignion -- and as
there is nothing to see but the old house,
in which the duke of Ormond resided,
and nothing to stop me but a short re-
mark upon the place, in three minutes
you will see me crossing the bridge upon
a mule, with François upon a horse with
my portmanteau behind him, and the
owner of both, striding the way before
us with a long gun upon his shoulder, and
a sword under his arm, lest peradventure
we should run away with his cattle.
Had you seen my breeches in entering
Avignon ---- Though you'd have seen
them better, I think, as I mounted --
you would not have thought the precau-
tion amiss, or found in your heart to
have taken it, in dudgeon : for my own
   VOL. VII        L            part,

[ 146 ]

part, I took it most kindly ; and deter-
mined to make him a present of them,
when we got to the end of our journey,
for the trouble they had put him to, of
arming himself at all points against them.

  Before I go further, let me get rid of
my remark upon Avignon, which is this ;
That I think it wrong, merely because a
man's hat has been blown off his head by
chance the first night he comes to Avig-
nion, ---- that he should therefore say,
``Avignon is more subject to high
winds than any town in all France :'' for
which reason I laid no stress upon the ac-
cident till I had inquired of the master of
the inn about it, who telling me seriously
it was so ---- and hearing moreover, the
windyness of Avignion spoke of in the
country about as a proverb -- I set it
down, merely to ask the learned what can

[ 147 ]

be the cause ---- the consequence I saw --
for they are all Dukes, Marquisses, and
Counts, there ---- the duce a Baron, in
all Avignion ---- so that there is scarce
any talking to them, on a windy day.

  Prithee friend, said I, take hold of my
mule for a moment ---- for I wanted to
pull off one of my jack-boots, which
hurt my heel -- the man was standing
quite idle at the door of the inn, and as I
had taken it into my head, he was some-
way concerned about the house or stable,
I put the bridle into his hand -- so be-
gun with my boot : -- when I had finish-
ed the affair, I turned about to take the
mule from the man, and thank him ----

  ---- But Monsieur le Marquis had
walked in ----

             L 2              C H A P.

[ 148 ]


I Had now the whole south of France,
from the banks of the Rhône to those
of the Garonne to traverse upon my
mule at my own leisure -- at my own leisure
---- for I had left Death, the lord knows
---- and He only -- how far behind me
---- ``I have followed many a man thro'
France,'' quoth he -- ``but never at this
mettlesome rate'' ---- Still he follow-
ed, ---- and still I fled him ---- but I fled
him cheerfully ---- still he pursued -- but
like one who pursued his prey without
hope ---- as he lag'd, every step he lost,
softened his looks ---- why should I fly
him at this rate?

So notwithstanding all the commissary
of the post-office had said, I changed the

[ 149 ]

mode of my travelling once more ; and
after so precipitate and rattling a course
as I had run, I flattered my fancy with
thinking of my mule, and that I should
traverse the rich plains of Languedoc
upon his back, as slowly as foot could

  There is nothing more pleasing to a
traveller ---- or more terrible to travel-
writers, than a large rich plain ; especi-
ally if it is without great rivers or
bridges ; and presents nothing to the eye,
but one unvaried picture of plenty : for
after they have once told you that 'tis
delicious! or delightful! (as the case
happens) -- that the soil was grateful, and
that nature pours out all her abundance,
&c. . . . they have then a large plain up-
on their hands, which they know not
             L 3              what

[ 150 ]

what to do with -- and which is of little
or no use to them but to carry them to
some town ; and that town, perhaps of
little more, but a new place to start from
to the next plain ---- and so on.

  -- This is most terrible work ; judge
if I don't manage my plains better.


I Had not gone above two leagues and
a half, before the man with his
gun, began to look at his priming.

  I had three several times loiter'd terribly
behind ; half a mile at least every time :
once, in deep conference with a drum-
maker, who was making drums for the
fairs of Baucaira and Tarascone -- I did
not understand the principles ----

[ 151 ]

  The second time, I cannot so properly
say, I stopp'd ---- for meeting a couple
of Franciscans straiten'd more for time
than myself, and not being able to get to
the bottom of what I was about ---- I
had turne'd back with them ---

  The third, was an affair of trade with
a gossip, for a hand basket of Provence
figs for four sous ; this would have been
transacted at once ; but for a case of con-
science at the close of it ; for when the
figs were paid for, it turn'd out, that
there were two dozen of eggs cover'd
over with vine-leaves at the bottom of
the basket -- as I had no intention of
buying eggs -- I made no sort of claim
of them -- as for the space they had occu-
pied -- what signified it? I had figs enow
for my money ------

             L 4              -- But

[ 152 ]

  -- But it was my intention to have the
basket -- it was the gossip's intention to
keep it, without which, she could do
nothing with her eggs ---- and unless I
had the basket, I could do as little with
my figs, which were too ripe already, and
most of 'em burst at the side : this
brought on a short contention, which
terminated in sundry proposals, what we
should both do ----

  -- How we disposed of our eggs and
figs, I defy you, or the Devil himself, had
he not been there (which I am persuaded
he was) to form the least probable con-
jecture : You will read the whole of it
------ not this year, for I am hastening
to the story of my uncle Toby's amours
-- but you will read it in the collection of
those which have arose out of the journey

[ 153 ]

across this plain ---- and which, therefore,
I call my


  How far my pen has been fatigued like
those of other travellers, in this journey
of it, over so barren a track -- the world
must judge -- but the traces of it, which
are now all set o' vibrating together this
moment, tell me 'tis the most fruitful and
busy period of my life ; for as I had
made no convention with my man with
the gun as to time -- by stopping and
talking to every soul I met who was not
in a full trot -- joining all parties before
me -- waiting for every soul behind -- hail-
ing all those who were coming through
cross roads -- arresting all hinds of beg-
gars, pilgrims, fiddlers, fryars -- not
passing by a woman in a mulberry-tree

[ 154 ]

without commending her legs, and tempt-
ing her into conversation with a pinch of
snuff ---- In short, by seizing every
handle, of what size or shape soever,
which chance held out to me in this jour-
ney -- I turned my plaininto a city -- I was
always in company, and with great va-
riety too ; and as my mule loved society
as much as myself, and had some propo-
sals always on his part to offer to every
beast he met -- I am confident we could
have passed through Pall-Mall or St.
James's-Street for a month together, with
fewer adventures -- and seen less of human

  O! there is that sprightly frankness
which at once unpins every plait of a
Languedocian's dress -- that whatever is
beneath it, it looks so like the simplicity

[ 155 ]

which poets sing of in better days -- I will
delude my fancy, and believe it is so.

  'Twas in the road betwixt Nismes and
Lunel, where there is the best Muscatto
wine in all France, and which by the bye
belongs to the honest canons of MONT-
-- and foul befall the man who
has drank it at their table, who grudges
them a drop of it.

  ---- The sun was set -- they had done
their work ; the nymphs had tied up
their hair afresh -- and the swains were
preparing for a carousal ---- My mule
made a dead point ---- 'Tis the fife and
tabourin, said I ---- I'm frighten'd to
death, quoth he ---- They are running at
the ring of pleasure, said I, giving him
a prick ---- By saint Boogar, and all the
saints at the backside of the door of pur-

[ 156 ]

gatory, said he -- (making the same reso-
lution with the abbess of Andoüillets)
I'll not go a step further ---- 'Tis very
well, sir, said I -- I never will argue a
point with one of your family, as long as
I live ; so leaping off his back, and kick-
ing off one boot into this ditch, and
t'other into that -- I'll take a dance, said
I ---- so stay you here.

  A sun-burnt daughter of Labour rose
up from the groupe to meet me as I
advanced towards them ; her hair, which
was a dark chestnut, approaching rather
to a black, was tied up in a knot, all but
a single tress.

  We want a cavalier, said she, holding
out both her hands, as if to offer them ----

[ 157 ]

And a cavalier ye shall have ; said I,
taking hold of both of them.

  Hadst thou, Nannette, been array'd
like a dutchesse!

  ---- But that cursed slit in thy petti-

  Nannette cared not for it.

  We could not have done without you,
said she, letting go one hand, with self-
taught politeness, leading me up with the

  A lame youth, whom Apollo had
recompenced with a pipe, and to which
he had added a tabourin of his own ac-
cord, ran sweetly over the prelude, as he
sat upon the bank ---- Tie me up this
tress instantly, said Nannette, putting a
piece of string into my hand ---- It taught
             9              me

[ 158 ]

me to forget I was a stranger ---- The
whole knot fell down ---- We had been
seven years acquainted.

  The youth struck the note upon the
tabourin -- his pipe followed, and off we
bounded ---- ``the duce take that slit!''

  The sister of the youth who had stolen
her voice from heaven, sung alternately
with her brother ---- 'twas a Gascoigne

         VIVE LA JOIA!

The nymphs join'd in unison, and their
swains an octave below them ----

  I would have given a crown to have it
sew'd up -- Nannette would not have given
a sous -- Viva la joia! was in her lips --
Viva la joia! was in her eyes. A tran-

[ 159 ]

sient spark of amity shot across the space
betwixt us ---- She look'd amiable! ----
Why could I not live and end my days
thus? Just disposer of our joys and sor-
rows, cried I, why could not a man sit
down in the lap of content here -- and
dance, and sing, and say his prayers,
and go to heaven with this nut brown
maid? capriciously did she bend her head
on one side, and dance up insidious ----
Then 'tis time to dance off, quoth I ;
so changing only partners and tunes, I
danced it away from Lunel to Mont-
pellier ---- from thence to Pesçnas, Bezi-
ers ---- I danced it along through Nar-
bonne, Carcasson, and Castle Naudairy,
till at last I danced myself into Perdrillo's
pavillion, where pulling a paper of black
lines, that I might go on straight for-
             8              wards,

[ 160 ]

wards, without digression or parenthesis,
in my uncle Toby's amours ----

  I begun thus ----