[ 80 ]

     The Synthesis.
     The Pænula.
     The Lacema, with its Cucullus.
     The Paludamentum.
     The Prætexta.
     The Sagum, or soldier's jerkin.
     The Trabea : of which, according
to Suetonius, there were three kinds. --

  ---- But what are all these to the
breeches ? said my father.

  Rubenius threw him down upon the
counter all kinds of shoes which had
been in fashion with the Romans. ------
There was,

     The open shoe.
     The close shoe.
     The slip shoe.
     The wooden shoe.

[ 81 ]

         The soc.
         The buskin.
    And The military shoe with hob-
             nails in it, which Juvenal
             takes notice of.
There were,The clogs.
         The patins.
         The pantoufles.
         The brogues.
         The sandals, with latchets to
There was,The felt shoe.
         The linen shoe.
         The laced shoe.
         The braided shoe.
         The calceus incisus.
    And The calceus rostratus.

Rubenius shewed my father how well
they all fitted, -- in what manner they
laced on, -- with what points, straps,
thongs, latchets, ribands, jaggs, and
ends. ------
  VOL. VI.        G            ---- But

[ 82 ]

  ---- But I want to be informed about
the breeches, said my father.

  Albertus Rubenius informed my father
that the Romans manufactured stuffs of
various fabricks, ---- some plain, -- some
striped, -- others diapered throughout the
whole contexture of the wool, with silk
and gold ---- That linen did not begin
to be in common use, till towards the
declension of the empire, when the Egyp-
coming to settle amongst them,
brought it into vogue.

  ---- That persons of quality and
fortune distinguished themselves by the
fineness and whiteness of their cloaths ;
which colour (next to purple, which
was appropriated to the great offices)
they most affected and wore on their

[ 83 ]

birth-days and public rejoicings. ----
That it appeared from the best historians
of those times, that they frequently sent
their cloaths to the fuller, to be cleaned
and whitened ; ---- but that the inferior
people, to avoid that expence, generally
wore brown cloaths, and of a something
coarser texture, -- till towards the begin-
ning of Augustus's reign, when the slave
dressed like his master, and almost every
distinction of habiliment was lost, but
the Latus Clavus.

  And what was the Latus Clavus ? said
my father.

  Rubenius told him, that the point was
still litigating amongst the learned : ----
That Egnatius, Sigonius, Bossius Tici-
nensis, Bayfius, Budæus, Salmasius, Lip-
sius, Lazius, Isaac Causabon
, and Jo-
             G 2              seph

[ 84 ]

seph Scaliger, all differed from each
other, -- and he from them : That some
took it to be the button, -- some the coat
itself, -- others only the colour of it : --
That the great Bayfius, in his Wardrobe
of the ancients, chap. 12. -- honestly
said, he knew not what it was, -- whether
a fibula, -- a stud, -- a button, -- a loop, --
a buckle, -- or clasps and keepers. ------

  ---- My father lost the horse, but not
the saddle ---- They are hooks and eyes,
said my father ---- and with hooks and
eyes he ordered my breeches to be made.

C H A P. XX.

WE are now going to enter upon a
new scene of events. ------

  ---- Leave we then the breeches in
the taylor's hands, with my father stand-

[ 85 ]

ing over him with his cane, reading him
as he sat at work a lecture upon the
latus clavus, and pointing to the precise
part of the waistband, where he was de-
termined to have it sewed on. ----

  Leave we my mother -- (truest of all the
Poco-curante's of her sex!) -- careless about
it, as about every thing else in the world
which concerned her ; -- that is, -- indiffe-
rent whether it was done this way or that,
-- provided it was but done at all. ----

  Leave we Slop likewise to the full pro-
fits of all my dishonours. ------

  Leave we poor Le Fever to recover,
and get home from Marseilles as he can.
---- And last of all, -- because the hard-
est of all ----

             G 3              Let

[ 86 ]

  Let us leave, if possible, myself : ----
But 'tis impossible, -- I must go along
with you to the end of the work.


IF the reader has not a clear concep-
tion of the rood and the half of
ground which lay at the bottom of my
uncle Toby's kitchen garden, and which
was the scene of so many of his delicious
hours, -- the fault is not in me, -- but in
his imagination ; -- for I am sure I gave
him so minute a description, I was al-
most ashamed of it.

  When FATE was looking forwards one
afternoon, into the great transactions of
future times, -- and recollected for what
purposes, this little plot, by a decree
fast bound down in iron, had been de-

[ 87 ]

stined, -- she gave a nod to NATURE --
'twas enough -- Nature threw half a spade
full of her kindliest compost upon it,
with just so much clay in it, as to retain
the forms of angles and indentings, --
and so little of it too, as not to cling to
the spade, and render works of so much
glory, nasty in foul weather.

  My uncle Toby came down, as the
reader has been informed, with plans
along with him, of almost every forti-
fied town in Italy and Flanders ; so let
the Duke of Marlborough, or the allies,
have set down before what town they
pleased, my uncle Toby was prepared for

  His way, which was the simplest one
in the world, was this : as soon as ever
a town was invested -- (but sooner when
             G 4              the

[ 88 ]

the design was known) to take the plan
of it (let it be what town it would)
and enlarge it upon a scale to the exact
size of his bowling-green ; upon the sur-
face of which, by means of a large role
of packthread, and a number of small
pickets driven into the ground, at the
several angles and redans, he transferred
the lines from his paper ; then taking
the profile of the place, with its works,
to determine the depths and slopes of
the ditches, -- the talus of the glacis,
and the precise height of the several
banquets, parapets &c. -- he set the
corporal to work ---- and sweetly went
it on : ---- The nature of the soil, --
the nature of the work itself, -- and above
all, the good nature of my uncle Toby
sitting by from morning to night, and
chatting kindly with the corporal upon

[ 89 ]

past-done deeds, -- left LABOUR little else
but the ceremony of the name.

  When the place was finished in this
manner, and put into a proper posture
of defence, -- it was invested, -- and my
uncle Toby and the corporal began to run
their first parallel. ---- I beg I may not
be interrupted in my story, by being
told, That the first parallel should be
at least three hundred toises distant from
the main body of the place, -- and that I
have not left a single inch for it
; ---- for
my uncle Toby took the liberty of in-
croaching upon his kitchen garden, for
the sake of enlarging his works on the
bowling green, and for that reason ge-
nerally ran his first and second parallels
betwixt two rows of his cabbages and
his collyflowers ; the conveniences and
inconveniences of which will be consi-

[ 90 ]

dered at large in the history of my
uncle Toby's and the corporal's cam-
paigns, of which, this I'm now writing
is but a sketch, and will be finished, if
I conjecture right, in three pages (but
there is no guessing) ---- The campaigns
themselves will take up as many books ;
and therefore I apprehend it would be
hanging too great a weight of one kind
of matter in so flimsy a performance as
this, to rhapsodize them, as I once in-
tended, into the body of the work ----
surely they had better be printed apart,
---- we'll consider the affair ---- so take
the following sketch of them in the
mean time.


WHEN the town, with its works,
was finished, my uncle Toby
and the corporal began to run their first

[ 91 ]

parallel ---- not at random, or any how
---- but from the same points and dis-
tances the allies had begun to run theirs ;
and regulating their approaches and at-
tacks, by the accounts my uncle Toby
received from the daily papers, -- they
went on, during the whole siege, step
by step with the allies.

  When the duke of Marlborough made
a lodgment, ---- my uncle Toby made a
lodgment too. ---- And when the face of
a bastion was battered down, or a de-
fence ruined, -- the corporal took his
mattock and did as much, -- and so on ;
---- gaining ground, and making them-
selves masters of the works one after
another, till the town fell into their

[ 92 ]

  To one who took pleasure in the hap-
py state of others, -- there could not
have been a greater sight in the world,
than, on a post-morning, in which a
practicable breach had been made by the
duke of Marlborough, in the main body
of the place, -- to have stood behind the
horn beam hedge, and observed the spi-
rit with which my uncle Toby, with
Trim behind him, sallied forth ; ---- the
one with the Gazette in his hand, -- the
other with a spade on his shoulder to ex-
ecute the contents. ---- What an honest
triumph in my uncle Toby's looks as he
marched up to the ramparts ! What in-
tense pleasure swimming in his eye as he
stood over the corporal, reading the pa-
ragraph ten times over to him, as he was
at work, lest, peradventure, he should
make the breach an inch too wide, -- or
             4              leave

[ 93 ]

leave it an inch too narrow ---- But
when the chamade was beat, and the cor-
poral helped my uncle up it, and fol-
lowed with the colours in his hand, to
fix them upon the ramparts --- Heaven !
Earth ! Sea ! ---- but what avails apos-
trophes ? ---- with all your elements,
wet or dry, ye never compounded so in-
toxicating a draught.

  In this track of happiness for many
years, without one interruption to it,
except now and then when the wind
continued to blow due west for a week
or ten days together, which detained the
Flanders mail, and kept them so long in
torture, -- but still 'twas the torture of
the happy ---- In this track, I say, did
my uncle Toby and Trim move for many
years, every year of which, and some-
times every month, from the invention

[ 94 ]

of either the one or the other of them,
adding some new conceit or quirk of
improvement to their operations, which
always opened fresh springs of delight
in carrying them on.

  The first year's campaign was carried
on, from beginning to end, in the plain
and simple method I've related.

  In the second year, in which my un-
cle Toby took Liege and Ruremond, he
thought he might afford the expense of
four handsome draw-bridges, of two of
which I have given an exact description,
in the former part of my work.

  At the latter end of the same year
he added a couple of gates with port-
cullises : ---- These last were converted
afterwards into orgues, as the better thing ;

[ 95 ]

and during the winter of the same year,
my uncle Toby, instead of a new suit of
clothes, which he always had at Christ-
, treated himself with a handsome
sentry-box, to stand at the corner of the
bowling-green, betwixt which point and
the foot of the glacis, there was left a
little kind of an esplanade for him and
the corporal to confer and hold councils
of war upon.

  ---- The sentry box was in case of rain.

  All these were painted white three
times over the ensuing spring, which
enabled my uncle Toby to take the field
with great splendour.

  My father would often say to Yorick,
that if any mortal in the whole universe

[ 96 ]

had done such a thing, except his bro-
ther Toby, it would have been looked
upon by the world as one of the most
refined satyrs upon the parade and pranc-
ing manner, in which Lewis XIV. from
the beginning of the war, but particu-
larly that very year, had taken the field
---- But 'tis not my brother Toby's na-
ture, kind soul! my father would add,
to insult any one.

  ---- But let us go on.


I Must observe, that although in the
first year's campaign, the word town
is often mentioned, -- yet there was no
town at that time within the polygon ;
that addition was not made till the sum-
mer following the spring in which the
bridges and sentry box were painted,

[ 97 ]

which was the third year of my uncle
Toby's campaigns, -- when upon his tak-
ing Amberg, Bonn, and Rhinberg, and
Huy and Limbourg, one after another,
a thought came into the corporal's head
that to talk of taking so many towns,
without one TOWN to show for it, -- was a
very nonsensical way of going to work,
and so proposed to my uncle Toby, that
they should have a little model of a
town built for them, -- to be run up to-
gether of slit deals, and then painted,
and clapped within the interior polygon
to serve for all.

  My uncle Toby felt the good of the
project instantly, and instantly agreed to
it, but with the addition of two sin-
gular improvements, of which he was
almost as proud, as if he had been the
original inventor of the project itself.
  VOL. VI.        H            The

[ 98 ]

  The one was to have the town built
exactly in the stile of those, of which it
was most likely to be the representative :
---- with grated windows, and the
gable ends of the houses, facing the
streets, &c. &c. -- as those in Ghent and
Bruges, and the rest of the towns in
Brabant and Flanders.

  The other was, not to have the houses
run up together, as the corporal propos-
ed, but to have every house indepen-
dant, to hook on, or off, so as to form
into the plan of whatever town they
pleased. This was put directly into
hand, and many and many a look of
mutual congratulation was exchanged
between my uncle Toby and the corpo-
ral, as the carpenter did the work.
             8              ---- It

[ 99 ]

  ---- It answered prodigiously the next
summer ---- the town was a perfect Pro-
---- It was Landen, and Trerebach,
and Santvliet, and Drusen, and Hagenau,
-- and then it was Ostend and Menin, and
Aeth and Dendermond. ----

  ---- Surely never did any TOWN act
so many parts, since Sodom and Gomor-
, as my uncle Toby's town did.

  In the fourth year, my uncle Toby
thinking a town looked foolishly with-
out a church, added a very fine one
with a steeple. ---- Trim was for having
bells in it ; ---- my uncle Toby said, the
metal had better be cast into cannon.

  This led the way the next campaign for
half a dozen brass field pieces, -- to be
             H 2              planted