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T H E L I F E A N D O P I N I O N S O F TRISTRAM SHANDY, G E N T L E M A N.
V O L. IV. L O N D O N : Printed for R. and J. DODSLEY in Pall-Mall. M. DCC. LXI. |
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VOL. IV. B |
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F A B E L L A.* V E S P E R A quâdam frigidulâ, po- steriori in parte mensis Augusti, peregrinus, mulo fusco colore insi- dens, manticâ a tergo, paucis indusijs, binis calceis, braccisque sericis coccinejs re- pletâ Argentoratum ingressus est. Militi eum percontanti, quum portus in- traret, dixit, se apud Nasorum promonto- rium fuisse, Francofurtum proficisci, et Ar- gentoratum, transitu ad fines Sarmatiæ mensis intervallo, reversurum. Miles * As Hafen Slawkenbergius de Nasis is extremely scarce, it may not be unacceptable to the learned reader to see the specimen of a few pages of his original ; I will make no reflection upon it, but that his story-telling Latin is much more concise than his philosophic ---- and, I think, has more of Latinity in it. |
T A L E. IT was one cool refreshing evening, at the close of a very sultry day, in the latter end of the month of August, when a stranger, mounted upon a dark mule, with a small cloak-bag behind him, containing a few shirts, a pair of shoes, and a crimson-sattin pair of breeches, entered the town of Strasburg. He told the centinel, who questioned him as he entered the gates, that he had been at the promontory of NOSES -- was going on to Frankfort -- and should be back again at Strasburg that day month, in his way to the borders of Crim- Tartary. B 2 The |
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Miles peregrini in faciem suspexit -- Di boni, nova forma nasi ! At multum mihi profuit, inquit pere- grinus, carpum amento extrahens, e quo pependit acinaces : Loculo manum inse- ruit ; & magnâ cum urbanitate, pilei parte anteriore tactâ manu sinistrâ, ut extendit dextram, militi florinum dedit et processit. Dolet mihi, ait miles, tympanistam na- num et valgum alloquens, virum adeo ur- banum vaginam perdidisse ; itinerari haud poterit nudâ acinaci, neque vaginam toto Argentorato, habilem inveniet. -- Nullam unquam habui, respondit peregrinus respi- 2 ciens, |
The centinel looked up into the stran- ger's face -- never saw such a nose in his life ! -- I have made a very good venture of it, quoth the stranger -- so slipping his wrist out of the loop of a black ribband, to which a short scymetar was hung : He put his hand into his pocket, and with great courtesy touching the forepart of his cap with his left-hand, as he ex- tended his right -- he put a florin into the centinel's hand, and passed on. It grieves me, said the centinel, speak- ing to a little dwarfish bandy-leg'd drum- mer, that so courteous a soul should have lost his scabbard -- he cannot travel with- out one to his scymetar, and will not be able to get a scabbard to fit it in all B 3 Strasburg.-- |
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ciens, -- seque comiter inclinans -- hoc more gesto, nudam acinacem elevans, mulo lentè progrediente, ut nasum tueri possim. Non immerito, benigne peregrine, re- spondit miles. Nihili æstimo, ait ille tympanista, e per- gamenâ factitius est. Prout christianus sum, inquit miles, nasus ille, ni sexties major sit, meo esset con- formis. Crepitare audivi ait tympanista. ` Me- |
Strasburg. ---- I never had one, replied the stranger, looking back to the centi- nel, and putting his hand up to his cap as he spoke ---- I carry it, continued he, thus -- holding up his naked scymetar, his mule moving on slowly all the time, on purpose to defend my nose. It is well worth it, gentle stranger, replied the centinel. -- 'Tis not worth a single stiver, said the bandy-leg'd drummer -- 'tis a nose of parchinent. As I am a true catholic -- except that it is six times as big -- 'tis a nose, said the centinel, like my own. -- I heard it crackle, said the drum- mer. B 4 By |
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Mehercule ! sanguinem emisit, respondit miles. Miseret me, inquit tympanista, qui non ambo tetigimus ! Eodem temporis puncto, quo hæc res ar- gumentata fuit inter militem et tympani- stam, disceptabatur ibidem tubicine & ux- ore suâ, qui tunc accesserunt, et peregrino prætereunte, restiterunt. Quantus nasus ! æque longus est, ait tubicina, ac tuba. Et ex eodem metallo, ait tubicen, velut sternutamento audias. Tantum |
By dunder, said the centinel, I saw it bleed. What a pity, cried the bandy-legg'd drummer, we did not both touch it ! At the very time that this dispute was maintaining by the centinel and the drummer -- was the same point debating betwixt a trumpeter and a trumpeter's wife, who were just then coming up, and had stopped to see the stranger pass by. Benedicity ! ---- What a nose ! 'tis as long, said the trumpeter's wife, as a trumpet. And of the same mettle, said the trumpeter, as you hear by its sneez- ing. -- 'Tis |
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Tantum abest, respondit illa, quod fistu- lam dulcedine vincit. Æneus est, ait tubicen. Nequaquam, respondit uxor. Rursum affirmo, ait tubicen, quod Æneus est. Rem penitus explorabo ; prius, enim digito tangam, ait uxor, quam dormi- vero. Mulus peregrini, gradu lento progressus est, ut unumquodque verbum controversiæ, non tantum inter militem et tympanistam, verum etiam inter tubicinem et uxorem ejus, audiret. Nequaquam, ait ille, in muli collum fræna demittens, & manibus ambabus in pectus |
-- 'Tis as soft as a flute, said she. -- 'Tis brass, said the trumpeter. -- 'Tis a pudding's end -- said his wife. I tell thee again, said the trumpeter, 'tis a brazen nose. I'll know the bottom of it, said the trumpeter's wife, for I will touch it with my finger before I sleep. The stranger's mule moved on at so slow a rate, that he heard every word of the dispute, not only betwixt the centinel and the drummer ; but betwixt the trum- peter and the trumpeter's wife. No ! said he, dropping his reins upon his mule's neck, and laying both his hands 3 |
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pectus positis, (mulo lentè progrediente) nequaquam ait ille, respiciens, non necesse est ut res isthæc dilucidata foret. Minime gentium ! meus nasus nunquam tangetur, dum spiritus hos reget artus -- ad quid agen- dum ? ait uxor burgomagistri. Peregrinus illi non respondit. Votum faciebat tunc temporis sancto Nicolao, quo facto, sinum dextram inserens, e quâ negli- genter pependit acinaces, lento gradu pro- cessit per plateam Argentorati latam quæ ad diversorium templo ex adversum ducit. Peregrinus |
hands upon his breast, the one over the other in a saint-like position (his mule going on easily all the time) No ! said he, looking up, -- I am not such a deb- tor to the world -- slandered and disap- pointed as I have been ---- as to give it that conviction -- no ! said he, my nose shall never be touched whilst heaven gives me strength -- To do what ? said a bur- gomaster's wife. The stranger took no notice of the burgomaster's wife -- he was making a vow to saint Nicolas ; which done, hav- ing uncrossed his arms with the same so- lemnity with which he crossed them, he took up the reins of his bridle with his left-hand, and putting his right-hand in- to his bosom, with his scymetar hanging loosely to the wrist of it, he rode on as slowly as one foot of the mule could fol- low |
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Peregrinus mulo descendens stabulo in- cludi, & manticam inferri jussit : quâ aper- tâ et coccineis sericis femoralibus extractis cum argenteo laciniato Perizomate, his sese induit, statimque, acinaci in manu, ad forum deambulavit. Quod ubi peregrinus esset ingressus, ux- orem tubicinis obviam euntem aspicit ; illico cursum flectit, metuens ne nasus suus explo- raretur, atque ad diversorium regressus est -- exuit se vestibus ; braccas coccineas se- ricas |
low another thro' the principal streets of Strasburg, till chance brought him to the great inn in the market-place over-against the church. The moment the stranger alighted, he ordered his mule to be led into the stable, and his cloak-bag to be brought in ; then opening, and taking out of it, his crimson-sattin breeches, with a silver- fringed -- (appendage to them, which I dare not translate) -- he put his breeches, with his fringed cod-piece on, and forth- with with his short scymetar in his hand, walked out to the grand parade. The stranger had just taken three turns upon the parade, when he perceived the trumpeter's wife at the opposite side of it -- so turning short, in pain lest his nose should be attempted, he instantly went back |
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ricas manticæ imposuit mulumque educi iussit. Francofurtum proficiscor, ait ille, et Argentoratum quatuor abhinc hebdomadis revertar. Bene curasti hoc jumentum ( ait ) muli faciem manu demulcens ---- me, manticam- que meam, plus sexcentis mille passibus por- tavit. Longa via est ! respondit hospes, nisi plurimum esset negoti. ---- Enimvero ait peregrinus a nasorum promontorio redij, et nasum speciosissimum, egregiosissimumque quem |
back to his inn ---- undressed himself, packed up his crimson-sattin breeches, &c. in his cloak-bag, and called for his mule. I am going forwards, said the stranger, for Frankfort ---- and shall be back at Strasburg this day month. I hope, continued the stranger, stro- king down the face of his mule with his left-hand as he was going to mount it, that you have been kind to this faithful slave of mine ---- it has carried me and my cloak-bag, continued he, tapping the mule's back, above six hundred leagues. -- 'Tis a long journey, Sir, replied the master of the inn ---- unless a man has great business. -- Tut ! tut ! said the stran- ger, I have been at the promontory of VOL. IV. C Noses; |
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quem unquam quisquam sortitus est, acqui- sivi ! Dum peregrinus hanc miram rationem, de seipso reddit, hospes et uxor ejus, oculis intentis, peregrini nasum contemplantur -- Per sanctos, sanctasque omnes, ait hospitis uxor, nasis duodecim maximis, in toto Ar- gentorato major est ! -- estne ait illa mariti in aurem insusurrans, nonne est nasus præ- grandis ? Dolus inest, anime mi, ait hospes -- nasus est falsus. -- Verus est, respondit uxor. -- Ex abiete factus est, ait ille, terebinthi- num olet ---- Carbunculus |
Noses ; and have got me one of the goodliest and jolliest, thank heaven, that ever fell to a single man's lot. Whilst the stranger was giving this odd account of himself, the master of the inn and his wife kept both their eyes fixed full upon the stranger's nose -- By saint Radagunda, said the inn-keeper's wife to herself, there is more of it than in any dozen of the largest noses put to- gether in all Strasburg ! is it not, said she, whispering her husband in his ear, is it not a noble nose ? 'Tis an imposture, my dear, said the master of the inn -- 'tis a false nose. -- 'Tis a true nose, said his wife. -- 'Tis made of fir-tree, said he, -- I smell the turpentine. -- C 2 'Tis |
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Carbunculus inest, ait uxor. Mortuus est nasus, respondit hospes. Vivus est, ait illa, ---- & si ipsa vivam tangam. Votum feci sancto Nicolao, ait peregrinus, nasum meum intactum fore usque ad -- Quod- nam tempus ? illico respondit illa. Minime tangetur, inquit ille (manibus in pectus compositis) usque ad illam horam -- Quam horam ? ait illa. -- Nullam, respondit peregrinus, donec pervenio, ad -- Quem lo- cum, -- obsecro ? ait illa -- Peregrinus nil respondens mulo conscenso discessit. |
There's a pimple on it, said she. 'Tis a dead nose, replied the inn- keeper. 'Tis a live nose, and if I am alive my- self, said the inn-keeper's wife, I will touch it. I have made a vow to saint Nicolas this day, said the stranger, that my nose shall not be touched till -- Here the stran- ger, suspending his voice, looked up -- Till when ? said she hastily. It never shall be touched, said he, clasping his hands and bringing them close to his breasts, till that hour ---- What hour ? cried the inn-keeper's wife. ---- Never ! -- never ! said the stranger, never till I am got -- For heaven sake into what place ? said she. -- The stranger rode away without saying a word. C 3 The |