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far the manner and expression of it might go towards it ; -- or in what degree, or by what secret magick, -- a tone of voice and harmony of movement, attuned by mercy, might find a passage to my heart, I know not ; -- this I know, that the les- son of universal good-will then taught and imprinted by my uncle Toby, has never since been worn out of my mind : And tho' I would not depreciate what the study of the Literæ humaniores, at the university, have done for me in that respect, or dis- credit the other helps of an expensive edu- cation bestowed upon me, both at home and abroad since ; -- yet I often think that I owe one half of my philanthropy to that one accidental impression.  This is to serve for parents and go-vernors instead of a whole volume upon the subject. I |
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I could not give the reader this stroke in my uncle Toby's picture, by the instru- ment with which I drew the other parts of it, ------ that taking in no more than the mere HOBBY-HORSICAL likeness ; ---- this is a part of his moral character. My father, in this patient endurance of wrongs, which I mention, was very dif- ferent, as the reader must long ago have noted ; he had a much more acute and quick sensibility of nature, attended with a little soreness of temper ; tho' this never transported him to any thing which looked like malignancy ; ---- yet, in the little rubs and vexations of life, 'twas apt to shew itself in a drollish and witty kind of peevishness : ---- He was, how- ever, frank and generous in his nature, ---- at all times open to conviction ; and in the little ebullitions of this sub- acid humour towards others, but parti- F 2 cularly |
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cularly towards my uncle Toby, whom he truly loved ; ---- he would feel more pain, ten times told, (except in the af- fair of my aunt Dinah, or where an hy- pothesis was concerned) than what he ever gave. The characters of the two brothers, in this view of them, reflected light upon each other, and appear'd with great ad- vantage in this affair which arose about Stevinus. I need not tell the reader, if he keeps a HOBBY-HORSE, -- that a man's HOBBY- HORSE is as tender a part as he has about him ; and that these unprovoked strokes, at my uncle Toby's could not be unfelt by him. -- No ; -- as I said above, my uncle Toby did feel them, and very sensibly too. Pray |
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Pray, Sir, what said he ? -- How did he behave ? -- O, Sir ! -- it was great : For as soon as my father had done in- sulting his HOBBY-HORSE, -- he turned his head, without the least emotion, from Dr. Slop, to whom he was addres- sing his discourse, and look'd up into my father's face, with a countenance spread over with so much good nature ; -- so placid ; -- so fraternal ; -- so inexpressibly tender towards him ; -- it penetrated my father to his heart : He rose up hastily from his chair, and seizing hold of both my uncle Toby's hands as he spoke : -- Brother Toby, said he, -- I beg thy par- don ; -- forgive, I pray thee, this rash humour which my mother gave me. -- My dear, dear brother, answer'd my uncle Toby, rising up by my father's help, say no more about it ; -- you are heartly welcome, had it been ten times as much, F 3 brother. |
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brother. But 'tis ungenerous, replied my father, to hurt any man ; -- a brother worse ; -- but to hurt a brother of such gentle manners, -- so unprovoking, -- and so unresenting ; -- 'tis base : -- By heaven, 'tis cowardly. ---- You are heartily wel- come, brother, quoth my uncle Toby, -- had it been fifty times as much. ---- Be- sides, what have I to do, my dear Toby, cried my father, either with your amuse- ments or your pleasures, unless it was in my power (which it is not) to increase their measure ? -- Brother Shandy, answer'd my uncle Toby, looking wistfully in his face, -- you are much mistaken in this point ; -- for you do increase my pleasure very much, in begetting children for the Shandy Fa- mily at your time of life. ---- But, by that, Sir, quoth Dr. Slop, Mr. Shandy in- creases |
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creases his own. ------ Not a jot, quoth my father. MY brother does it, quoth my uncle Toby, out of principle. -- In a fa- mily-way, I suppose, quoth Dr. Slop. -- Pshaw ! -- said my father, -- 'tis not worth talking of. AT the end of the last chapter, my father and my uncle Toby were left both standing, like Brutus and Cassius at the close of the scene making up their accounts. F 4 As |
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As my father spoke the three last words, -- he sat down ; -- my uncle Toby exactly followed his example, only, that before he took his chair, he rung the bell, to order Corporal Trim, who was in waiting, to step home for Stevinus ; -- my uncle Toby's house being no further off than the opposite side of the way. Some men would have dropp'd the subject of Stevinus ; -- but my uncle Toby had no resentment in his heart, and he went on with the subject, to shew my father that he had none. Your sudden appearance, Dr. Slop, quoth my uncle, resuming the discourse, instantly brought Stevinus into my head. (My father, you may be sure, did not offer to lay any more wagers upon Ste- vinus's head) ---- Because, continued my uncle |
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uncle Toby, the celebrated sailing chariot, which belonged to Prince Maurice, and was of such wonderful contrivance and velocity, as to carry half a dozen peo- ple thirty German miles, in I don't know how few minutes, ------ was invented by Stevinus, that great mathematician and engineer. You might have spared your servant the trouble, quoth Dr. Slop, (as the fellow is lame) of going for Stevinus's account of it, because, in my return from Leyden thro' the Hague, I walked as far as Schev- ling, which is two long miles, on purpose to take a view of it. -- That's nothing, replied my uncle Toby, to what the learned Peireskius did, who walked a matter of five hundred miles, reckoning from Paris to Schevling, and |
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and from Schevling to Paris back again, in order to see it, -- and nothing else. Some men cannot bear to be out-gone. The more fool Peireskius, replied Dr. Slop. But mark, -- 'twas out of no con- tempt of Peireskius at all ; ---- but that Peireskius's indefatigable labour in trudg- ing so far on foot out of love for the sciences, reduced the exploit of Dr. Slop, in that affair, to nothing ; -- the more fool Peireskius, said he again : -- Why so ? -- replied my father, taking his brother's part, not only to make reparation as fast as he could for the insult he had given him, which sat still upon my father's mind ; -- but partly, that my father began really to interest himself in the discourse ; -- Why so ? -- said he. Why is Peireskius, or any man else, to be abused for an ap- petite |
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petite for that, or any other morsel of sound knowledge ? For, notwithstand- ing I know nothing of the chariot in question, continued he, the inventor of it must have had a very mechanical head ; and tho' I cannot guess upon what prin- ciples of philosophy he has archiev'd it ; ------ yet certainly his machine has been constructed upon solid ones, be they what they will, or it could not have answer'd at the rate my brother mentions. It answered, replied my uncle Toby, as well, if not better ; for, as Peireskius elegantly expresses it, speaking of the velocity of its motion, Tam citus erat, quam erat ventus ; which, unless I have forgot my Latin, is, that it was as swift as the wind itself. But |
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But pray, Dr. Slop, quoth my father, interrupting my uncle, (tho' not with- out begging pardon for it, at the same time), upon what principles was this self- same chariot set a-going ? -- Upon very pretty principles to be sure, replied Dr. Slop ; ------ and I have often wondered, continued he, evading the question, why none of our Gentry, who live upon large plains like this of ours, -- (especially they whose wives are not past child-bearing) attempt nothing of this kind ; for it would not only be infinitely expeditious upon sudden calls, to which the sex is subject, -- if the wind only served, -- but would be excellent good husbandry to make use of the winds, which cost no- thing, and which eat nothing, rather than horses, which (the Devil take 'em) both cost and eat a great deal. For |
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For that very reason, replied my fa- ther, ``Because they cost nothing, and because they eat nothing,'' -- the scheme is bad ; -- it is the consumption of our products, as well as the manufactures of them, which gives bread to the hungry, circulates trade, -- brings in money, and supports the value of our lands ; -- and tho', I own, if I was a Prince, I would generously recompence the scientifick head which brought forth such contrivances ; -- yet I would as peremptorily suppress the use of them. My father here had got into his ele- ment, ---- and was going on as pro- sperously with his dissertation upon trade, as my uncle Toby had before, upon his of fortification ; ------ but, to the loss of much sound knowledge, the destinies in the morning had decreed that no dis- |
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dissertation of any kind should be spun by my father that day ; ------ for as he opened his mouth to begin the next sentence, IN popp'd Corporal Trim with Stevi- nus : -- But 'twas too late, -- all the discourse had been exhausted without him, and was running into a new channel. -- You may take the book home again, Trim, said my uncle Toby, nodding to him. But pri'thee, Corporal, quoth my fa- ther, drolling, -- look first into it, and see if thou can'st spy aught of a sailing chariot in it. Corporal |
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Corporal Trim, by being in the service, had learned to obey, -- and not to re- monstrate ; ---- so taking the book to a side-table, and running over the leaves ; an' please your Honour, said Trim, I can see no such thing ; -- however, continued the Corporal, drolling a little in his turn, I'll make sure work of it, an' please your Honour ; -- so taking hold of the two covers of the book, one in each hand, and letting the leaves fall down, as he bent the covers back, he gave the book a good sound shake. There is something fallen out, how- ever, said Trim, an' please your Honour ; but it is not a chariot, or any thing like one : -- Pri'thee, Corporal, said my father, smiling, what is it then ? -- I think, an- swered Trim, stooping to take it up, -- 'tis more like a sermon, -- for it begins, with |
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with a text of scripture, and the chapter and verse ; -- and then goes on, not as a chariot, -- but like a sermon directly. The company smiled. I cannot conceive how it is possible, quoth my uncle Toby, for such a thing as a sermon to have got into my Stevinus. I think 'tis a sermon, replied Trim ; -- but if it please your Honours, as it is a fair hand, I will read you a page ; -- for Trim, you must know, loved to hear himself read almost as well as talk. I have ever a strong propensity, said my father, to look into things which cross my way, by such strange fatalities as these ; -- and as we have nothing bet- ter to do, at least till Obadiah gets back, 2 I |
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I should be obliged to you, brother, if Dr. Slop has no objection to it, to order the Corporal to give us a page or two of it, -- if he is as able to do it, as he seems willing. An' please your Honour, quoth Trim, I officiated two whole campaigns in Flanders as Clerk to the Chaplain of the Regiment. -- He can read it, quoth my uncle Toby, as well as I can. -- Trim, I assure you, was the best scholar in my company, and should have had the next Halberd, but for the poor fellow's mis- fortune. Corporal Trim laid his hand upon his heart, and made an humble bow to his Master ; -- then laying down his hat upon the floor, and taking up the sermon in his left hand, in order to have his right at liberty, -- he advanced, nothing doubting, into the middle of the room, where he could best see, and be best seen by, his audience. VOL. II G C H A P. |
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---- If you have any objection, -- said my father, addressing himself to Dr. Slop : Not in the least, replied Dr. Slop ; -- for it does not appear on which side of the question it is wrote ; ---- it may be a composition of a divine of our church, as well as yours, -- so that we run equal risks. ---- 'Tis wrote upon neither side, quoth Trim, for 'tis only upon Conscience, an' please your Honours. Trim's reason put his audience into good humour, -- all but Dr. Slop, who, turning his head about towards Trim, look'd a little angry. Begin, Trim, ---- and read distinctly, quoth my father ; -- I will, an' please your Honour, |
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Honour, replied the Corporal, making a bow, and bespeaking attention with a slight movement of his right hand. ---- But before the Corporal begins, I must first give you a description of his attitude ; ---- otherwise he will naturally stand represented, by your imagination, in an uneasy posture, -- stiff, -- perpendi- cular, -- dividing the weight of his body equally upon both legs ; -- his eye fix'd, as if on duty ; -- his look determined ; -- clinching the sermon in his left hand, like his firelock : -- In a word, you would be apt to paint Trim, as if he was stand- ing in his platoon ready for action : -- His attitude was as unlike all this as you can conceive. G 2 He |
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He stood before them with his body swayed, and bent forwards just so far, as to make an angle of 85 degrees and a half upon the plain of the horizon ; -- which sound orators, to whom I address this, know very well, to be the true per- suasive angle of incidence; -- in any other angle you may talk and preach ; -- 'tis certain, -- and it is done every day ; -- but with what effect, -- I leave the world to judge ! The necessity of this precise angle of 85 degrees and a half to a mathematical exactness, -- does it not shew us, by the way, -- how the arts and sciences mutual- ly befriend each other ? How the duce Corporal Trim, who knew not so much as an acute angle from an obtuse one, came to hit it so ex- actly ; |
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actly ; ---- or whether it was chance or nature, or good sense or imitation, &c. shall be commented upon in that part of this cyclopædia of arts and sciences, where the instrumental parts of the elo- quence of the senate, the pulpit, the bar, the coffee-house, the bed-chamber, and fire-side, fall under consideration. He stood, ---- for I repeat it, to take the picture of him in at one view, with his body sway'd, and somewhat bent forwards, --- his right leg firm under him, sustaining seven-eighths of his whole weight, -- the foot of his left leg, the de- fect of which was no disadvantage to his attitude, advanced a little, -- not lateral- ly, nor forwards, but in a line betwixt them ; -- his knee bent, but that not vio- lently, -- but so as to fall within the li- mits of the line of beauty ; -- and I add, G 3 of |
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