[ 120 ]

``You will see such a one working out
``a frame of little designs upon the ig-
``norance and perplexities of the poor
``and needy man ; -- shall raise a fortune
``upon the inexperience of a youth, or
``the unsuspecting temper of his friend
``who would have trusted him with his

  ``When old age comes on, and re-
``pentance calls him to look back upon
``this black account, and state it over
``again with his conscience, ------ CON-
``SCIENCE looks into the STATUTES at
``LARGE ; -- finds no express law broken
``by what he has done ; -- perceives no
``penalty or forfeiture of goods and chat-
``tels incurred ; -- sees no scourge waving
``over his head, or prison opening his
``gates upon him : -- What is there to
``affright his conscience ? -- Conscience

[ 121 ]

``has got safely entrenched behind the
``Letter of the Law ; sits there invul-
``nerable, fortified with Cases and Re=
``ports so strongly on all sides, -- that
``it is not preaching can dispossess it of
``its hold.''

  [Here Corporal Trim and my uncle
Toby exchanged looks with each other. --
Aye, -- aye, Trim ! quoth my uncle Toby,
shaking his head, -- these are but sorry
fortifications, Trim. ------ O ! very poor
work, answered Trim, to what your
Honour and I make of it. ------ The
character of this last man, said Dr. Slop,
interrupting Trim, is more detestable
than all the rest ; ------ and seems to have
been taken from some pettifogging
Lawyer amongst you : ---- Amongst us a
man's conscience could not possibly con-
tinue so long blinded ; -- three times in

[ 122 ]

a year, at least, he must go to confession.
Will that restore it to sight, quoth my
uncle Toby ? -- Go on, Trim, quoth my
father, or Obadiah will have got back
before thou hast got to the end of thy
sermon ; -- 'tis a very short one, replied
Trim. -- I wish it was longer, quoth my
uncle Toby, for I like it hugely. -- Trim
went on.]

  ``A fourth man shall want even this
``refuge ; -- shall break through all this
``ceremony of slow chicane ; ---- scorns
``the doubtful workings of secret plots
``and cautious trains to bring about his
``purpose : -- See the bare-faced villain,
``how he cheats, lies, perjures, robs,
``murders. ---- Horrid ! ---- But indeed
``much better was not to be expected,
``in the present case, -- the poor man
``was in the dark ! -- his priest had got

[ 123 ]

``the keeping of his conscience ; -- and
``all he would let him know of it, was,
``That he must believe in the Pope ; --
``go to Mass ; -- cross himself ; -- tell his
``beads ; ---- be a good Catholick, and
``that this, in all conscience, was enough
``to carry him to heaven. What ; -- if
``he perjures ! -- Why ; -- he had a men-
``tal reservation in it. -- But if he is so
``wicked and abandoned a wretch as
``you represent him ; -- if he robs, -- if
``he stabs, -- will not conscience, on
``every such act, receive a wound itself?
``Aye, -- but the man has carried it to
``confession ; ---- the wound digests there,
``and will do well enough, and in a
``short time be quite healed up by ab-
``solution. O Popery ! what hast thou
``to answer for ? -- when, not content
``with the too many natural and fatal
``ways, thro' which the heart of man is

[ 124 ]

``every day thus treacherous to itself
``above all things ; -- thou hast wilfully
``set open this wide gate of deceit before
``the face of this unwary traveller, too
``apt, God knows, to go astray of him-
``self; and confidently speak peace to
``himself, when there is no peace.

  ``Of this the common instances which
``I have drawn out of life, are too no-
``torious to require much evidence. If
``any man doubts the reality of them,
``or thinks it impossible for a man to be
``such a bubble to himself, -- I must refer
``him a moment to his own reflections,
``and will then venture to trust my ap-
``peal with his own heart.

  ``Let him consider in how different
``a degree of detestation,numbers of
``wicked actions stand there, tho' equally

[ 125 ]

``bad and vicious in their own natures ;
``-- he will soon find that such of them, as
``strong inclination and custom have
``prompted him to commit, are gene-
``rally dress'd out and painted with all
``the false beauties, which a soft and a
``flattering hand can give them ; -- and
``that the others, to which he feels no
``propensity, appear, at once, naked and
``deformed, surrounded with all the
``true circumstances of folly and dis-

  ``When David surprized Saul sleep-
``ing in the cave, and cut off the skirt
``of his robe, -- we read his heart smote
``him for what he had done : -- But in
``the matter of Uriah, where a faithful
``and gallant servant, whom he ought
``to have loved and honoured, fell to
``make way for his lust, -- where con-

[ 126 ]

``science had so much greater reason to
``take the alarm, his heart smote him
``not. A whole year had almost passed
``from the first commission of that crime,
``to the time Nathan was sent to reprove
``him ; and we read not once of the least
``sorrow or compunction of heart which
``he testified, during all that time, for
``what he had done.

  ``Thus conscience, this once able mo-
``nitor, ---- placed on high as a judge
``within us, and intended by our maker
``as a just and equitable one too, -- by
``an unhappy train of causes and impe-
``diments, takes often such imperfect
``cognizance of what passes, -- does its
``office so negligently, --- sometimes so
``corruptly, -- that it is not to be trusted
``alone ; and therefore we find there is
``a necessity, an absolute necessity of
             2              ``joining

[ 127 ]

``joining another principle with it to aid,
``if not govern, its determinations.

  ``So that if you would form a just
``judgment of what is of infinite impor-
``tance to you not to be misled in, ----
``namely, in what degree of real merit
``you stand either as an honest man, an
``useful citizen, a faithful subject to your
``King, or a good servant to your God, --
``call in religion and morality. -- Look,
``-- What is written in the law of God ?
``---- How readest thou ? ---- Consult
``calm reason and the unchangeable ob-
``ligations of justice and truth ; -- what
``say they ?

  ``Let CONSCIENCE determine the
``matter upon these reports ; -- and then
``if thy heart condemns thee not, which
``is the case the Apostle supposes, -- the
   VOL. II        I            ``rule

[ 128 ]

``rule will be infallible, (Here Dr. Slop
``fell asleep) thou wilt have confidence to-
``wards God
; -- that is, have just grounds
``to believe the judgment thou hast past
``upon thyself, is the judgment of God ;
``and nothing else but an anticipation
``of that righteous sentence which will
``be pronounced upon thee hereafter by
``that Being, to whom thou art finally
``to give an account of thy actions.

  ``Blessed is the man, indeed then, as
``the author of the book of Ecclesiasticus
``expresses it, who is not prick'd with the
``multitude of his sins : Blessed is the man
``whose heart hath not condemn'd him ;
``whether he be rich, or whether he be
``poor, if he have a good heart
, (a heart
``thus guided and informed) he shall at
``all times rejoice in a chearful counte-
``nance ; his mind shall tell him more than

[ 129 ]

``seven watch-men that sit above upon a
``tower on high.'' ------ [A tower has
no strength, quoth my uncle Toby, un-
less 'tis flank'd.] ``In the darkest doubts
``it shall conduct him safer than a thou-
``sand casuists, and give the state he
``lives in a better security for his beha-
``viour than all the clauses and re-
``strictions put together, which law-
``makers are forced to multiply : ----
``Forced, I say, as things stand ; hu-
``man laws not being a matter of ori-
``ginal choice, but of pure necessity,
``brought in to fence against the mis-
``chievous effects of those consciences
``which are no law unto themselves ;
``well intending, by the many provi-
``sions made, ---- that in all such cor-
``rupt and misguided cases, where prin-
``ciples and the checks of conscience
``will not make us upright, ------ to
             I 2              ``supply

[ 130 ]

``supply their force, and, by the ter-
``rors of gaols and halters, oblige us
``to it.''

  [I see plainly, said my father, that
this sermon has been composed to be
preach'd at the Temple, ---- or at some
Assize. ---- I like the reasoning, ---- and
am sorry that Dr. Slop has fallen asleep
before the time of his conviction ; ----
for it is now clear, that the Parson, as
I thought at first, never insulted St. Paul
in the least ; ---- nor has there been, bro-
ther, the least difference between them.
---- A great matter, if they had dif-
fered, replied my uncle Toby, -- the
best friends in the world may differ some-
times. ---- True, -- brother Toby, quoth
my father, shaking hands with him, --
we'll fill our pipes, brother, and then
Trim shall go on.
                          Well, --

[ 131 ]

  Well, -- what do'st thou think of it ?
said my father, speaking to Corporal
Trim, as he reach'd his tobacco-box.

  I think, answered the Corporal, that the
seven watch-men upon the tower, who, I
suppose, are all centinels there, ---- are
more, an' please your Honour, than were
necessary ; -- and, to go on at that rate,
would harass a regiment all to pieces,
which a commanding officer, who loves
his men, will never do, if he can help it ;
because two centinels, added the Corporal,
are as good as twenty. -- I have been a
commanding officer myself in the Corps
de Garde
a hundred times, continued Trim,
rising an inch higher in his figure, as he
spoke, -- and all the time I had the ho-
nour to serve his Majesty King William,
in relieving the most considerable posts,
I never left more than two in my life. --
             I 3              Very

[ 132 ]

Very right, Trim, quoth my uncle Toby ;
---- but you do not consider Trim, that
the towers, in Solomon's days, were not
such things as our bastions, flank'd and
defended by other works ; -- this,Trim,
was an invention since Solomon's death ;
nor had they horn-works, or ravelins be-
fore the curtain, in his time ; -- or such a
fossé as we make with a cuvette in the
middle of it, and with cover'd-ways and
counterscarps pallisadoed along it, to
guard against a Coup de main : -- So that
the seven men upon the tower were a
party, I dare say, from the Corps de Garde,
set there, not only to look out, but to
defend it. -- They could be no more, an'
please your Honour, than a Corporal's
Guard. -- My father smiled inwardly, --
but not outwardly ; -- the subject between
my uncle Toby and Corporal Trim being
rather too serious, considering what had

[ 133 ]

happened, to make a jest of : -- So, put-
ting his pipe into his mouth, which he
had just lighted, -- he contented himself
with ordering Trim to read on. He read
on as follows :]

  ``To have the fear of God before our
``eyes, and, in our mutual dealings with
``each other, to govern our actions by the
``eternal measures of right and wrong : --
``The first of these will comprehend the
``duties of religion ; -- the second, those
``of morality, which are so inseparably
``connected together, that you cannot
``divide these two tables, even in imagi-
``nation, (tho' the attempt is often made
``in practice) without breaking and mu-
``tually destroying them both.

  ``I said the attempt is often made,
``and so it is ; ---- there being nothing
             I 4              ``more

[ 134 ]

``more common than to see a man who
``has no sense at all of religion, -- and in-
``deed has so much honesty as to pre-
``tend to none, who would take it as the
``bitterest affront, should you but hint
``at a suspicion of his moral character, --
``or imagine he was not conscientiously
``just and scrupulous to the uttermost

  ``When there is some appearance that
``it is so, -- tho' one is unwilling even to
``suspect the appearance of so amiable a
``virtue as moral honesty, yet were we to
``look into the grounds of it, in the pre-
``sent case, I am persuaded we should
``find little reason to envy such a one
``the honour of his motive.

  ``Let him declaim as pompously as
``he chooses upon the subject, it will

[ 135 ]

``be found to rest upon no better foun-
``dation than either his interest, his pride,
``his ease, or some such little and change-
``able passion as will give us but small
``dependence upon his actions in matters
``of great stress.

  ``I will illustrate this by an ex-

  ``I know the banker I deal with, or
``the physician I usually call in,'' [there
is no need, cried Dr. Slop, (waking) to call
in any physician in this case] ``to be
``neither of them men of much religion :
``I hear them make a jest of it every
``day, and treat all its sanctions with so
``much scorn, as to put the matter past
``doubt. Well; -- notwithstanding this,
``I put my fortune into the hands of the
``one ; -- and, what is dearer still to me,

[ 136 ]

``I trust my life to the honest skill of
``the other.

  ``Now, let me examine what is my
``reason for this great confidence. ----
``Why, in the first place, I believe there
``is no probability that either of them
``will employ the power I put into their
``hands to my disadvantage ; -- I con-
``sider that honesty serves the purposes
``of this life : -- I know their success in
``the world depends upon the fairness
``of their characters. ---- In a word, -- I'm
``persuaded that they cannot hurt me,
``without hurting themselves more.

  ``But put it otherwise, namely, that
``interest lay, for once, on the other side ;
``that a case should happen, wherein the
``one, without stain to his reputation,
``could secrete my fortune, and leave

[ 137 ]

``me naked in the world ; -- or that the
``other could send me out of it, and en-
``joy an estate by my death, without
``dishonour to himself or his art : -- In
``this case, what hold have I of either of
``them ? -- Religion, the strongest of all
``motives, is out of the question : -- In-
``terest, the next most powerful motive
``in the world, is strongly against me : --
``What have I left to cast into the oppo-
``site scale to balance this temptation ? --
``Alas ! I have nothing, -- nothing but
``what is lighter than a bubble. -- I must
``lay at the mercy of HONOUR, or some
``such capricious principle. -- Strait secu-
``rity for two of my most valuable bles-
``sings ! -- my property and my life.

  ``As, therefore, we can have no de-
``pendence upon morality without reli-
``gion ; -- so, on the other hand, there is

[ 138 ]

``nothing better to be expected from
``religion without morality ; -- neverthe-
``less, 'tis no prodigy to see a man whose
``real moral character stands very low,
``who yet entertains the highest notion
``of himself, in the light of a religious

  ``He shall not only be covetous, re-
``vengeful, implacable, ---- but even
``wanting in points of common ho-
``nesty ; yet, inasmuch as he talks aloud
``against the infidelity of the age, ----
``is zealous for some points of reli-
``gion, ---- goes twice a day to church,
``---- attends the sacraments, ---- and
``amuses himself with a few instrumental
``parts of religion, ---- shall cheat his
``conscience into a judgment that, for
``this, he is a religious man, and has
``discharged truly his duty to God :
             1              ``And

[ 139 ]

``And you will find that such a man,
``thro' force of this delusion, gene-
``rally looks down with spiritual pride
``upon every other man who has less
``affectation of piety, -- tho', perhaps,
``ten times more moral honesty than

  ``This likewise is a sore evil under the
; and I believe there is no one mi-
``staken principle which, for its time,
``has wrought more serious mischiefs. --
``For a general proof of this, -- examine
``the history of the Romish Church ;'' --
[Well, what can you make of that, cried
Dr. Slop ?] -- ``see what scenes of cru-
``elty, murders, rapines, blood-shed,''
[They may thank their own obstinacy,
cried Dr. Slop] ``have all been sanctified
``by a religion not strictly governed by