[ 20 ]

himself, as he walk'd along ; that let the
worst come of it that could, he should
at least get a pound of sausages for their
worth -- but, if things went well,
he should be set up ; inasmuch as he should
get not only a pound of sausages -- but a
wife -- and a sausage shop, an' please your
honour, into the bargain.

  Every servant in the family, from high
to low, wish'd Tom success ; and I can
fancy, an' please your honour, I see him
this moment with his white dimity waist-
coat and breeches, and hat a little o' one
side, passing jollily along the street,
swinging his stick, with a smile and a
cheerful word for every body he met :
---- But alas! Tom! thou smilest no
more, cried the Corporal, looking on
             1              one

[ 21 ]

one side of him upon the ground, as if
he apostrophized him in his dungeon.

  Poor fellow ! said my uncle Toby,

  He was an honest, light-hearted lad,
an' please your honour, as ever blood
warm'd ----

  ---- Then he resembled thee, Trim,
said my uncle Toby, rapidly.

  The Corporal blush'd down to his fin-
gers' ends -- a tear of sentimental bash-
fulness -- another of gratitude to my
uncle Toby -- and a tear of sorrow for
his brother's misfortunes, started into his
eye and ran sweetly down his cheek to-
gether ; my uncle Toby's kindled as one

[ 22 ]

lamp does at another ; and taking hold
of the breast of Trim's coat (which
had been that of Le Fevre's) as if to
ease his lame leg, but in reality to gra-
tify a finer feeling ---- he stood silent
for a minute and a half ; at the end of which
he took his hand away, and the Corpo-
ral, making a bow, went on with his
story of his brother and the Jew's wi-

                          C H A P.

[ 23 ]

C H A P. VI.

WHEN Tom, an' please your ho-
nour, got to the shop, there was
nobody in it but a poor negro girl, with
a bunch of white feathers slightly tied to
the end of a long cane, flapping away
flies -- not killing them. ---- 'Tis a pretty
picture! said my uncle Toby -- she had
suffered persecution, Trim, and had learnt
mercy ---- .

  ---- She was good, an' please your
honour, from nature as well as from
hardships ; and there are circumstances
in the story of that poor friendless slut
that would melt a heart of stone, said
Trim ; and some dismal winter's evening,
when your honour is in the humour, they

[ 24 ]

shall be told you with the rest of Tom's
story, for it makes a part of it ----

  Then do not forget, Trim, said my
uncle Toby.

  A Negro has a soul? an' please your
honour, said the Corporal (doubt-

  I am not much versed, Corporal, quoth
my uncle Toby, in things of that kind ;
but I suppose, God would not leave him
without one, any more than thee or
me ----

  ---- It would be putting one sadly
over the head of another, quoth the

[ 25 ]

  It would so, said my uncle Toby.
Why then, an' please your honour, is a
black wench to be used worse than a
white one?

  I can give no reason, said my uncle
Toby ------

  ---- Only, cried the Corporal, shaking
his head, because she has no one to stand
up for her ----

  ---- 'Tis that very thing, Trim, quoth
my uncle Toby, ---- which recommends
her to protection ---- and her brethren
with her ; 'tis the fortune of war which
has put the whip into our hands now ----
where it may be hereafter, heaven
knows! ---- but be it where it will,

[ 26 ]

the brave, Trim! will not use it un-

  ---- God forbid, said the Corporal.

  Amen, responded my uncle Toby,
laying his hand upon his heart.

  The Corporal returned to his story,
and went on ------ but with an embar-
rassment in doing it, which here and
there a reader in this world will not be
able to comprehend ; for by the many
sudden transitions all along, from one
kind and cordial passion to another, in
getting thus far on his way, he had lost
the sportable key of his voice which
gave sense and spirit to his tale : he
attempted twice to resume it, but could

[ 27 ]

not please himself ; so giving a stout
hem! to rally back the retreating spirits,
and aiding Nature at the same time with
his left arm a-kimbo on one side, and
with his right a little extended, support-
ing her on the other -- the Corporal got
as near the note as he could ; and in that
attitude, continued his story.

                          C H A P.

[ 28 ]


AS Tom, an' please your honour,
had no business at that time with
the Moorish girl, he passed on into the
room beyond to talk to the Jew's widow
about love ---- and his pound of saus-
ages ; and being, as I have told your
honour, an open, cheery hearted lad,
with his character wrote in his looks and
carriage, he took a chair, and without
much apology, but with great civi-
lity at the same time, placed it close to
her at the table, and sat down.

  There is nothing so awkward, as
courting a woman, an' please your ho-
nour, whilst she is making sausages ----
So Tom began a discourse upon them ;

[ 29 ]

first gravely, ---- `` as how they were
`` made ---- with what meats, herbs
`` and spices'' -- Then a little gayly --
as, ``With what shins ---- and if they
`` never burst ---- Whether the largest
`` were not the best'' ---- and so on --
taking care only, as he went along, to
season what he had to say upon sausages
rather under, than over ; ---- that he
might have room to act in ----

  lt was owing to the neglect of that very
precaution, said my uncle Toby, laying
his hand upon Trim's shoulder, That
Count de la Motte lost the battle of
Wynendale : he pressed too speedily into
the wood ; which if he had not done,
Lisle had not fallen into our hands, nor
Ghent and Bruges, which both followed

[ 30 ]

her example ; it was so late in the year,
continued my uncle Toby, and so terrible
a season came on, that if things had not
fallen out as they did, our troops must
have perished in the open field. ----

  ---- Why, therefore, may not battles,
an' please your honour, as well as mar-
riages, be made in heaven? -- My uncle
Toby mused. ----

  Religion inclined him to say one thing,
and his high idea of military skill tempt-
ed him to say another ; so not being able
to frame a reply exactly to his mind
---- my uncle Toby said nothing at
all ; and the Corporal finished his

[ 31 ]

  As Tom perceived, an' please your
honour, that he gained ground, and that
all he had said upon the subject of saus-
ages was kindly taken, he went on to
help her a little in making them. ----
First, by taking hold of the ring of
the sausage whilst she stroked the forced
meat down with her hand ---- then by
cutting the strings into proper lengths,
and holding them in his hand, whilst
she took them out one by one ---- then,
by putting them across her mouth, that
she might take them out as she wanted
them ---- and so on from little to more,
till at last he adventured to tie the
sausage himself, whilst she held the
snout. ----

  ---- Now a widow, an' please your
honour, always chuses a second husband
             4              as

[ 32 ]

as unlike the first as she can : so the
affair was more than half settled in her
mind before Tom mentioned it.

  She made a feint however of defend-
ing herself, by snatching up a sausage :
---- Tom instantly laid hold of ano-
ther ----

  But seeing Tom's had more gristle in
it ----

  She signed the capitulation ---- and
Tom sealed it ; and there was an end of
the matter.

                          C H A P.

[ 33 ]


ALL womankind, continued Trim,
(commenting upon his story), from
the highest to the lowest, an' please your
honour, love jokes ; the difficulty is to
know how they choose to have them cut ;
and there is no knowing that, but by
trying as we do with our artillery in the
field, by raising or letting down their
breeches, till we hit the mark. ----

  ---- I like the comparison, said my
uncle Toby, better than the thing it
self ----

  ---- Because your honour, quoth the
Corporal, loves glory, more than plea-
   VOL. IX.        D            I hope,

[ 34 ]

  I hope, Trim, answered my uncle
Toby, I love mankind more than either ;
and as the knowledge of arms tends so
apparently to the good and quiet of the
world ---- and particularly that branch
of it which we have practised together
in our bowling green has no object but
to shorten the strides of AMBITION, and
intrench the lives and fortunes of the
few, from the plunderings of the many
---- whenever that drum beats in our
ears, I trust, Corporal, we shall neither of
us want so much humanity and fellow-
feeling as to face about and march.

  In pronouncing this, my uncle Toby
faced about, and march'd firmly as at
the head of his company ---- and the
faithful Corporal, shouldering his stick,

[ 35 ]

and striking his hand upon his coat-skirt
as he took his first step ---- march'd
close behind him down the avenue.

  ---- Now what can their two noddles
be about? cried my father to my mother
---- by all that's strange, they are be-
sieging Mrs. Wadman in form, and are
marching round her house to mark out
the lines of circumvallation.

  I dare say, quoth my mother ----
---- But stop, dear Sir ---- for what
my mother dared to say upon the occasion
---- and what my father did say upon
it ---- with her replies and his rejoinders,
shall be read, perused, paraphrased, com-
mented and discanted upon -- or to say
it all in a word, shall be thumb'd over
             D 2              by

[ 36 ]

by Posterity in a chapter apart ---- I say,
by Posterity -- and care not if I repeat
the word again -- for what has this book
done more than the Legation of Moses,
or the Tale of a Tub, that it may not
swim down the gutter of Time along
with them?

  I will not argue the matter : Time
wastes too fast : every letter I trace
tells me with what rapidity Life follows my
pen ; the days and hours of it, more
precious, my dear Jenny! than the rubies
about thy neck, are flying over our
heads like light clouds of a windy day,
never to return more ---- every thing
presses on ---- whilst thou are twisting
that lock, ---- see! it grows grey ; and

[ 37 ]

every time I kiss thy hand to bid adieu,
and every absence which follows it, are
preludes to that eternal separation which
we are shortly to make. ----

  ---- Heaven have mercy upon us

             D 3              C H A P.

[ 38 ]

C H A P. IX.

NOW, for what the world thinks of
that ejaculation ---- I would not
give a groat.

                          C H A P.

[ 39 ]

C H A P. X.

MY mother had gone with her left
arm twisted in my father's right,
till they had got to the fatal angle of the
old garden wall, where Doctor Slop was
overthrown by Obadiah on the coach-
horse : as this was directly opposite to
the front of Mrs. Wadman's house,
when my father came to it, he gave a
look across ; and seeing my uncle Toby
and the Corporal within ten paces of the
door, he turn'd about ---- `` Let us
`` just stop a moment, quoth my father,
`` and see with what ceremonies my bro-
`` ther Toby and his man Trim make
`` their first entry ---- it will not detain
             D 4              `` us,