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What were the consequences, and what was Yorick's catastrophe thereupon, you will read in the next chapter. THE Mortgager and Mortgageé differ the one from the other, not more in length of purse, than the Jester and Jesteé do, in that of memory. But in this the comparison between them runs, as the scholiasts call it, upon all- four ; which, by the bye, is upon one or two legs more, than some of the best of Homer's can pretend to ; -- namely, That the one raises a sum and the other a laugh at your expence, and think no more about it. Interest, however, still runs on in both cases ; ---- the periodical or accidental payments of it, just serving to |
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to keep the memory of the affair alive ; till, at length, in some evil hour, -- pop comes the creditor upon each, and by demanding principal upon the spot, to- gether with full interest to the very day, makes them both feel the full extent of their obligations. As the reader (for I hate your ifs) has a thorough knowledge of human nature, I need not say more to satisfy him, that my Hero could not go on at this rate without some slight experience of these incidental mementos. To speak the truth, he had wantonly involved himself in a multitude of small book-debts of this stamp, which, notwithstanding Eu- genius's frequent advice, he too much disregarded ; thinking, that as not one of them was contracted thro' any malig- nancy ; -- but, on the contrary, from an honesty |
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honesty of mind, and a mere jocundity of humour, they would all of them be cross'd out in course. Eugenius would never admit this ; and would often tell him, that one day or other he would certainly be reckoned with ; and he would often add, in an ac- cent of sorrowful apprehension, -- to the uttermost mite. To which Yorick, with his usual carelesness of heart, would as often answer with a pshaw ! -- and if the subject was started in the fields, -- with a hop, skip, and a jump, at the end of it ; but if close pent up in the social chimney corner, where the culprit was barrica- do'd in, with a table and a couple of arm chairs, and could not so readily fly off in a tangent, ---- Eugenius would then go on with his lecture upon discretion, in 5 words |
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words to this purpose, though somewhat better put together. Trust me, dear Yorick, this unwary pleasantry of thine will sooner or later bring thee into scrapes and difficulties, which no after-wit can extricate thee out of. ---- In these sallies, too oft, I see, it happens, that a person laugh'd at, consi- ders himself in the light of a person in- jured, with all the rights of such a situa- tion belonging to him ; and when thou viewest him in that light too, and rec- kons up his friends, his family, his kin- dred, and allies, ---- and musters up with them the many recruits which will list under him from a sense of common dan- ger ; -- 'tis no extravagant arithmetic to say, that for every ten jokes, -- thou hast got a hundred enemies ; and till thou hast gone on, and raised a swarm of wasps about |
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about thy ears, and art half stung to death by them, thou will never be con- vinced it is so. I cannot suspect it in the man whom I esteem, that there is the least spur from spleen or malevolence of intent in these sallies. ---- I believe and know them to be truly honest and sportive : -- But con- sider, my dear lad, that fools cannot di- stinguish this, -- and that knaves will not ; and thou knowest not what it is, either to provoke the one, or to make merry with the other ; -- whenever they associate for mutual defence, depend upon it, they will carry on the war in such a manner against thee, my dear friend, as to make thee heartily sick of it, and of thy life too. REVENGE from some baneful corner shall level a tale of dishonour at thee, 4 which |
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which no innocence of heart or integrity of conduct shall set right. ---- The for- tunes of thy house shall totter, -- thy cha- racter, which led the way to them, shall bleed on every side of it, -- thy faith que- stioned, -- thy works belied, -- thy wit forgotten, -- thy learning trampled on. To wind up the last scene of thy tragedy, CRUELTY and COWARDICE, twin ruf- fians, hired and set on by MALICE in the dark, shall strike together at all thy infir- mities and mistakes : -- the best of us, my dear lad, lye open there, -- and trust me, ---- trust me, Yorick, When to gratify a private appetite, it is once resolved up- on, that an innocent and an helpless creature shall be sacrificed, 'tis an easy matter to pick up sticks enew from any thicket where it has strayed, to make a fire to offer it up with. VOL. I. E Yorick |
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Yorick scarce ever heard this sad va- ticination of his destiny read over to him, but with a tear stealing from his eye, and a promissory look attending it, that he was resolved, for the time to come, to ride his tit with more sobriety. -- But, alas, too late ! -- a grand confederacy, with * * * * * and * * * * * at the head of it, was form'd before the first prediction of it. ---- The whole plan of the attack, just as Eugenius had foreboded, was put in execution all at once, ---- with so little mercy on the side of the allies, -- and so little suspicion in Yorick, of what was carrying on against him, -- that when he thought, good easy man ! full surely pre- ferment was o' ripening, -- they had smote his root, and then he fell, as many a worthy man had fallen before him. Yorick |
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Yorick, however, fought it out with all imaginable gallantry for some time ; till, over-power'd by numbers, and worn out at length by the calamities of the war, ---- but more so, by the ungenerous manner in which it was carried on, -- he threw down the sword ; and though he kept up his spirits in appearance to the last, ---- he died, nevertheless, as was gene- rally thought, quite broken hearted. What inclined Eugenius to the same opinion, was as follows : A few hours before Yorick breath'd his last, Eugenius stept in with an intent to take his last sight and last farewell of him : Upon his drawing Yorick's cur- tain, and asking how he felt himself, Yorick, looking up in his face, took hold of his hand, ---- and, after thanking him E 2 for |
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for the many tokens of his friendship to him, for which, he said, if it was their fate to meet hereafter, -- he would thank him again and again. -- He told him, he was within a few hours of giving his enemies the slip for ever. ---- I hope not, answered Eugenius, with tears trickling down his cheeks, and with the tenderest tone that ever man spoke, -- I hope not, Yorick,said he. -- Yorick replied, with a look up, and a gentle squeeze of Eu- genius's hand, and that was all, -- but it cut Eugenius to his heart. -- Come, -- come,Yorick,quoth Eugenius, wiping his eyes, and summoning up the man within him, ---- my dear lad, be comfort- ed, -- let not all thy spirits and fortitude forsake thee at this crisis when thou most wants them ; ---- who knows what re- sourses are in store, and what the power of God may yet do for thee ? ---- Yorick laid |
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laid his hand upon his heart, and gently shook his head ; -- for my part, continu- ed Eugenius, crying bitterly as he uttered the words,-- I declare I know not, Yo- rick, how to part with thee, ---- and would gladly flatter my hopes, added Eugenius, chearing up his voice, that there is still enough left of thee to make a bishop, -- and that I may live to see it. ---- I beseech thee, Eugenius, quoth Yorick, taking off his night-cap as well as he could with his left hand, ---- his right being still grasped close in that of Eugenius, ---- I beseech thee to take a view of my head. ---- I see nothing that ails it, replied Eugenius. Then, alas ! my friend, said Yorick, let me tell you, that 'tis so bruised and mis- shapen'd with the blows which * * * * * and * * * * *, and some others have so unhandsomely given me in the dark, that I might say E 3 with |
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with Sancho Pança, that should I reco- ver, and ``Mitres thereupon be suffer'd ``to rain down from heaven as thick as ``hail, not one of'em would fit it.'' ---- Yorick's last breath was hanging upon his trembling lips ready to depart as he uttered this ; -- yet still it was utter'd with something of a cervantick tone; -- and as he spoke it, Eugenius could per- ceive a stream of lambent fire lighted up for a moment in his eyes; ---- faint picture of those flashes of his spirit, which (as Shakespear said of his ancestor) were wont to set the table in a roar ! Eugenius was convinced from this, that the heart of his friend was broke ; he squeez'd his hand, ---- and then walk'd softly out of the room, weeping as he walk'd. Yorick followed Eugenius with his eyes to the door, ---- he then closed |
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closed them, -- and never opened them more. He lies buried in a corner of his church-yard, in the parish of ------, under a plain marble slabb, which his friend Eugenius, by leave of his executors, laid upon his grave, with no more than these three words of inscription serving both for his epitaph and elegy.
Ten times in a day has Yorick's ghost the consolation to hear his monumental inscription read over with such a variety of plaintive tones, as denote a general E 4 pity |
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pity and esteem for him ; ---- a foot- way crossing the church-yard close by the side of his grave, -- not a passenger goes by without stopping to cast a look upon it, ---- and sighing as he walks on, Alas, poor Y O R I C K ! C H A P. |
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IT is so long since the reader of this rhapsodical work has been parted from the midwife, that it is high time to mention her again to him, merely to put him in mind that there is such a body still in the world, and whom, upon the best judgment I can form upon my own plan at present, -- I am going to intro- duce to him for good and all : But as fresh matter may be started, and much unexpected business fall out betwixt the reader and myself, which may require immediate dispatch ; ---- 'twas right to take care that the poor woman should not be lost in the mean time ; -- because when she is wanted we can no way do without her. 5 I |
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I think I told you that this good wo- man was a person of no small note and consequence throughout our whole vil- lage and township ; -- that her fame had spread itself to the very out-edge and cir- cumference of that circle of importance, of which kind every soul living, whether he has a shirt to his back or no, ---- has one surrounding him ; -- which said circle, by the way, whenever 'tis said that such a one is of great weight and importance in the world, ---- I desire may be enlar- ged or contracted in your worship's fan- cy, in a compound-ratio of the station, profession, knowledge, abilities, height and depth (measuring both ways) of the personage brought before you. In the present case, if I remember, I fixed it at about four or five miles, which not only comprehended the whole pa- rish, |
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rish, but extended itself to two or three of the adjacent hamlets in the skirts of the next parish ; which made a consider- able thing of it. I must add, That she was, moreover, very well looked on at one large grange-house and some other odd houses and farms within two or three miles, as I said, from the smoke of her own chimney : ---- But I must here, once for all, inform you, that all this will be more exactly delineated and explain'd in a map, now in the hands of the en- graver, which, with many other pieces and developments to this work, will be added to the end of the twentieth vo- lume, -- not to swell the work, -- I detest the thought of such a thing ; ---- but by way of commentary, scholium, illustra- tion, and key to such passages, incidents, or inuendos as shall be thought to be ei- ther of private interpretation, or of dark or |
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or doubtful meaning after my life and my opinions shall have been read over, (now don't forget the meaning of the word) by all the world ; -- which, betwixt you and me, and in spight of all the gentlemen reviewers in Great-Britain, and of all that their worships shall under- take to write or say to the contrary, ---- I am determined shall be the case. ---- I need not tell your worship, that all this is spoke in confidence. UPON looking into my mother's marriage settlement, in order to satisfy myself and reader in a point ne- cessary to be clear'd up, before we could proceed any further in this history ; -- I had the good fortune to pop upon the very |
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very thing I wanted before I had read a day and a half straightforwards, -- it might have taken me up a month ; -- which shews plainly, that when a man sits down to write a history, -- tho' it be but the hi- story of Jack Hickathrift or Tom Thumb, he knows no more than his heels what lets and confounded hinderances he is to meet with in his way, -- or what a dance he may be led, by one excursion or an- other, before all is over. Could a histo- riographer drive on his history, as a muleteer drives on his mule, -- straight forward ; ---- for instance, from Rome all the way to Loretto, without ever once turning his head aside either to the right hand or to the left, -- he might venture to foretell you to an hour when he should get to his journey's end ; ---- but the thing is, morally speaking, impossible : For, if he is a man of the least spirit, he will |
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