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WE are ruin'd and undone, my child, said the abbess to Mar- garita ---- we shall be here all night ---- we shall be plunder'd ---- we shall be ra- vish'd ---- ---- We shall be ravish'd, said Mar- garita, as sure as a gun. Sancta Maria! cried the abbess (for- getting the O!) -- why was I govern'd by this wicked stiff joint? why did I leave the convent of Andoüillets? and why didst thou not suffer thy servant to go unpolluted to her tomb? O my finger! my finger! cried the novice, catching fire at the word servant 3 --why |
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-- why was I not content to put it here, or there, any where rather than be in this strait? ---- Strait! said the abbess. Strait ---- said the novice ; for terrour had struck their understandings ---- the one knew not what she said ---- the other what she answered. O my virginity! virginity! cried the abbess. ----inity! ----inity! said the novice, sobbing. VOL. VII. G C H A P. |
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MY dear mother, quoth the novice, coming a little to herself, ---- there are two certain words, which I have been told will force any horse, or ass, or mule, to go up a hill whether he will or no ; be he never so obstinate or ill-will'd, the moment he hears them utter'd, he obeys. They are words magic! cried the abbess, in the utmost horror -- No ; replied Margarita calmly -- but they are words sinful -- What are they? quoth the abbess, interrupting her : They are sinful in the first degree, answered Margarita, -- they are mortal -- and if we are ravish'd and die unabsolved of them, we shall both ---- but you may pronounce them to |
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to me, quoth the abbess of Andoüillets ---- They cannot, my dear mother, said the novice, be pronounced at all ; they will make all the blood in one's body fly up into one's face ---- But you may whis- per them in my ear, quoth the abbess. Heaven! hadst thou no guardian an- gel to delegate to the inn at the bottom of the hill? was there no generous and friendly spirit unemploy'd ---- no agent in nature, by some monitory shivering, creeping along the artery which led to his heart, to rouse the muleteer from his banquet? ---- no sweet minstrelsy to bring back the fair idea of the abbess and Margarita, with their black rosaries! Rouse! rouse! ---- but 'tis too late -- the horrid words are pronounced this moment ---- G 2 ---- and |
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---- and how to tell them -- Ye, who can speak of every thing existing, with unpolluted lips ---- instruct me ---- guide me ---- ALL sins whatever, quoth the abbess, turning casuist in the distress they were under, are held by the confessor of our convent to be either mortal or venial : there is no further division. Now a venial sin being the slightest and least of all sins, -- being halved -- by taking, either only the half of it, and leaving the rest -- or, by taking it all, and amicably halving it betwixt yourself and another person -- in course becomes diluted into no sin at all. Now |
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Now I see no sin in saying, bou, bou, bou, bou, bou, a hundred times together ; nor is there any turpitude in pronouncing the syllable ger, ger, ger, ger, ger, were it from our matins to our vespers : There- fore, my dear daughter, continued the abbess of Andoüillets -- I will say bou, and thou shalt say ger ; and then alter- nately, as there is no more sin in fou than in bou -- Thou shalt say fou -- and I will come in (like fa, sol, la, re, mi, ut, at our complines) with ter. And accord- ingly the abbess, giving the pitch note, set off thus :
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The two mules acknowledged the notes by a mutual lash of their tails ; but it went no further. ---- 'Twill answer by an' by, said the novice.
Quicker still, cried Margarita. Fou, fou, fou, fou, fou, fou, fou, fou, fou. Quicker still, cried Margarita. Bou, bou, bou, bou, bou, bou, bou, bou, bou. Quicker still -- God preserve me! said the abbess -- They do not understand us, cried Margarita -- But the Devil does, said the abbess of Andoüillets. C H A P. |
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WHAT a tract of country have I run! -- how many degrees nearer to the warm sun am I advanced, and how many fair and goodly cities have I seen, during the time you have been reading, and reflecting, Madam, upon this story! There's FONTAINEBLEAU, and SENS, and JOIGNY, and AUXERRE, and DIJON the capital of Burgundy, and CHALLON, and Mâcon the capital of Mâconese, and a score more upon the road to LYONS ---- and now I have run them over ---- I might as well talk to you of so many market-towns in the moon, as tell you one word about them : it will be this chapter at the least, if not both this G 4 and |
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and the next entirely lost, do what I will ---- -- Why, 'tis a strange story! Tristram. ------ Alas! Madam, had it been upon some melancholy lec- ture of the cross -- the peace of meekness, or the contentment of resignation ---- I had not been incommoded : or had I thought of writing it upon the purer ab- stractions of the soul, and that food of wisdom, and holiness, and contemplation, upon which the spirit of man (when se- parated from the body) is to subsist for ever ---- You would have come with a better appetite from it ---- ---- I wish I never had wrote it : but as I never blot any thing out ---- let us use |
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use some honest means to get it out of our heads directly. ---- Pray reach me my fool's cap ---- I fear you sit upon it, Madam ---- 'tis under the cushion ---- I'll put it on ---- Bless me! you have had it upon your head this half hour. ---- There then let it stay, with a Fa-ra diddle di and a fa-ri diddle d and a high-dum -- dye-dum fiddle - - - dumb - c. And now, Madam, we may venture, I hope, a little to go on. C H A P. |
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---- All you need say of Fontain- bleau (in case you are ask'd) is, that it stands about forty miles (south something) from Paris, in the middle of a large forest ---- That there is something great in it ---- That the king goes there once, every two or three years, with his whole court, for the pleasure of the chase -- and that during that carnival of sporting, any English gentleman of fashion (you need not forget yourself) may be accommodat- ed with a nag or two, to partake of the sport, taking care only not to out-gal- lop the king ---- Though there are two reasons why you need not talk loud of this to every one. First, |
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First, Because 'twill make the said nags the harder to be got ; and Secondly, 'Tis not a word of it true. ---- Allons! As for SENS ---- you may dispatch it in a word ------ ``'Tis an archiepiscopal see.'' ---- For JOIGNY -- the less, I think, one says of it, the better. But for AUXERRE -- I could go on for ever : for in my grand tour through Eu- rope, in which, after all, my father (not caring to trust me with any one) attended me himself, with my uncle Toby, and Trim, and Obadiah, and indeed most of the family, except my mother, who being taken |
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taken up with a project of knitting my father a pair of large worsted breeches -- (the thing is common sense) -- and she not caring to be put out of her way, she staid at home at SHANDY HALL, to keep things right during the expedition ; in which, I say, my father stopping us two days at Auxerre, and his researches being ever of such a nature, that they would have found fruit even in a desert ---- he has left me enough to say upon AUX- ERRE : in short, wherever my father went ---- but 'twas more remarkably so, in this journey through France and Italy, than in any other stages of his life ---- his road seemed to lie so much on one side of that, wherein all other tra- vellers had gone before him -- he saw kings and courts and silks of all colours, in |
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in such strange lights ---- and his remarks and reasonings upon the characters, the manners and customs of the countries we pass'd over, were so opposite to those of all other mortal men, particularly those of my uncle Toby and Trim -- (to say nothing of myself) -- and to crown all -- the occurrences and scrapes which we were perpetually meeting and getting into, in consequence of his systems and opiniatry -- they were of so odd, so mix- ed and tragicomical a contexture -- That the whole put together, it appears of so different a shade and tint from any tour of Europe which was ever executed -- That I will venture to pronounce -- the fault must be mine and mine only -- if it be not read by all travellers and travel readers, till travelling is no more, -- or which comes to the same point -- till the 9 world |
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world, finally, takes it into it's head to stand still. ---- ---- But this rich bale is not to be opened now ; except a small thread or two of it, merely to unravel the mystery of my father's stay at AUXERRE. ---- As I have mentioned it -- 'tis too slight to be kept suspended ; and when 'tis wove in, there's an end of it. We'll go, brother Toby, said my fa- ther, whilst dinner is coddling -- to the abbey of Saint Germain, if it be only to see these bodies, of which monsieur Se- quier has given such a recommendation. ---- I'll go see any body ; quoth my uncle Toby ; for he was all compliance thro' every step of the journey ---- De- 1 fend |
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fend me! said my father -- they are all mummies ---- Then one need not shave ; quoth my uncle Toby ---- Shave! no -- cried my father -- 'twill be more like rela- tions to go with our beards on -- So out we sallied, the corporal lending his master his arm, and bringing up the rear, to the abby of Saint Germain. Everything is very fine, and very rich, and very superb, and very magnificent, said my father, addressing himself to the sacristan, who was a young brother of the order of Benedictines -- but our curi- osity has led us to see the bodies, of which monsieur Sequier has given the world so exact a description. -- The sa- cristan made a bow, and lighting a torch first, which he had always in the vestry ready for the purpose ; he led us into the tomb |
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tomb of St. Heribald ---- This, said the sacristan, laying his hand upon the tomb, was a renowned prince of the house of Bavaria, who under the successive reigns of Charlemagne, Louis lenDebonair, and Charles the Bald, bore a great sway in the government, and had a principal hand in bringing every thing into order and discipline ---- Then he has been as great, said my uncle, in the field as in the cabinet ---- I dare say he has been a gallant soldier ---- He was a monk -- said the sacristan. My uncle Toby and Trim sought comfort in each others faces -- but found it not : my father clapp'd both his hands upon his cod-piece, which was a way he had when any thing hugely tickled him |
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him ; for though he hated a monk and the very smell of a monk worse than all the devils in hell ---- Yet the shot hitting my uncle Toby and Trim so much harder than him, 'twas a relative triumph ; and put him into the gayest humour in the world. ---- And pray what do you call this gentleman? quoth my father, rather sportingly : This tomb, said the young Benedictine, looking downwards, con- tains the bones of Saint MAXIMA, who came from Ravenna on purpose to touch the body ------ ---- Of Saint MAXIMUS, said my fa- ther, popping in with his saint before him -- they were two of the greatest saints in the whole martyrology, added my father VOL. VII. H ---- Excuse |
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---- Excuse me, said the sacristan ---- ---- 'twas to touch the bones of Saint Germain the builder of the abby ---- And what did she get by it? said my uncle Toby ---- What does any woman get by it? said my father ---- MARTYRDOM ; replied the young Benedictine, making a bow down to the ground, and uttering the word with so humble, but decisive a cadence, it disarmed my father for a mo- ment. 'Tis supposed, continued the Bene- dictine, that St. Maxima has lain in this tomb four hundred years, and two hun- dred before her canonization ---- 'Tis but a slow rise, brother Toby, quoth my father, in this self same army of martyrs. ---- A desperate slow one, an' please your honour, said Trim, unless one could purchase ---- I should rather sell out en- tirely, |
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tirely, quoth my uncleToby ---- I am pretty much of your opinion, brother Toby, said my father. ---- Poor St. Maxima! said my uncle Toby low to himself, as we turn'd from her tomb : She was one of the fairest and most beautiful ladies either of Italy or France, continued the sacristan ---- But who the duce has got lain down here, besides her, quoth my father, point- ing with his cane to a large tomb as we walked on ---- It is St. Optat, Sir, an- swered the sacristan ---- And properly is Saint Optat plac'd! said my father : And what is Saint Optat's story? continued he. Saint Optat, replied the sacristan, was a bishop ---- H 2 ---- I |