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lecture upon Crackenthorp or Burgersdi- cius, or any Dutch logician or commenta- tor ; -- he knew not so much as in what the difference of an argument ad igno- rantiam, and an argument ad hominem consisted ; so that I well remember, when he went up along with me to enter my name at Jesus College in * * * *, -- it was a matter of just wonder with my worthy tutor, and two or three fellows of that learned society, -- that a man who knew not so much as the names of his tools, should be able to work after that fashion with 'em. To work with them in the best man- ner he could, was what my father was, however, perpetually forced upon ; ---- for he had a thousand little sceptical no- tions of the comick kind to defend, ---- most of which notions, I verily believe, at |
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at first enter'd upon the footing of mere whims, and of a vive la Bagatelle ; and as such he would make merry with them for half an hour or so, and having sharpen'd his wit upon 'em, dismiss them till an- other day. I mention this, not only as matter of hypothesis or conjecture upon the pro- gress and establishment of my father's many odd opinions, -- but as a warning to the learned reader against the indiscreet reception of such guests, who, after a free and undisturbed enterance, for some years, into our brains, -- at length claim a kind of settlement there, ---- working sometimes like yeast ; -- but more gene- rally after the manner of the gentle pas- sion, beginning in jest, -- but ending in downright earnest. Whether |
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Whether this was the case of the sin- gularity of my father's notions, -- or that his judgment, at length, became the dupe of his wit ; -- or how far, in many of his notions, he might, tho' odd, be absolutely right ; ---- the reader, as he comes at them, shall decide. All that I maintain here, is, that in this one, of the influence of Christian names, how- ever it gain'd footing, he was serious ; -- he was all uniformity ; -- he was systema- tical, and, like all systematick reasoners, he would move both heaven and earth, and twist and torture every thing in na- ture to support his hypothesis. In a word, I repeat it over again ; -- he was serious ; -- and, in consequence of it, he would lose all kind of patience whenever he saw people, especially of condition, who should have known better, ---- as careless and as indifferent about the name they |
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they imposed upon their child, -- or more so, than in the choice of Ponto or Cupid for their puppy dog. This, he would say, look'd ill ; -- and had, moreover, this particular aggrava- tion in it, viz. That when once a vile name was wrongfully or injudiciously given, 'twas not like the case of a man's character, which, when wrong'd, might hereafter be clear'd ; ---- and, possibly, sometime or other, if not in the man's life, at least after his death, -- be, somehow or other, set to rights with the world : But the injury of this, he would say, could never be undone ; -- nay, be doubt- ed even whether an act of parliament could reach it : ---- He knew as well as you, that the legislature assum'd a power over surnames ; -- but for very strong reasons, which he could give, it had ne- ver |
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ver yet adventured, he would say, to go a step further. It was observable, that tho' my father, in consequence of this opinion, had, as I have told you, the strongest likings and dislikings towards certain names ; -- that there were still numbers of names which hung so equally in the balance before him, that they were absolutely indifferent to him. Jack, Dick, and Tom were of this class : These my father call'd neutral names ; -- affirming of them, without a satyr, That there had been as many knaves and fools, at least, as wise and good men, since the world began, who had indifferently borne them ; -- so that, like equal forces acting against each other in contrary directions, he thought they mutually destroyed each others effects ; for which reason, he would often declare, He |
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He would not give a cherry-stone to choose amongst them. Bob, which was my brother's name, was another of these neutral kinds of Christian names, which operated very little either way ; and as my father happen'd tobe at Epsom, when it was given him, -- he would oft times thank heaven it was no worse. Andrew was something like a negative quantity in Algebra with him ; -- 'twas worse, he said, than nothing. -- William stood pret- ty high : ---- Numps again was low with him ; -- and Nick, he said, was the DEVIL. But, of all the names in the universe, he had the most unconquerable aversion for TRISTRAM ; -- he had the lowest and most contemptible opinion of it of any thing in the world, -- thinking it could possibly produce nothing in rerum naturâ, but what was extreamly mean and piti- 4 ful : |
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ful : So that in the midst of a dispute on the subject, in which, by the bye, he was frequently involved, ---- he would sometimes break off in a sudden and spi- rited EPIPHONEMA, or rather EROTESIS, raised a third, and sometimes a full fifth, above the key of the discourse, ---- and demand it categorically of his antagonist, Whether he would take upon him to say, he had ever remember'd, ---- whether he had ever read, -- or even whether he had ever heard tell of a man, call'd Tristram, performing any thing great or worth re- cording ? -- No -- , he would say, -- TRI- STRAM ! -- The thing is impossible. What could be wanting in my father but to have wrote a book to publish this notion of his to the world ? Little boots it to the subtle speculatist to stand single in his opinions, ---- unless he gives them proper |
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proper vent : -- It was the identical thing which my father did ; -- for in the year sixteen, which was two years before I was born, he was at the pains of writing an express DISSERTATION simply upon the word Tristram, -- shewing the world, with great candour and modesty, the grounds of his great abhorrence to the name. When this story is compared with the title-page, -- Will not the gentle reader pity my father from his soul ? ---- to see an orderly and well-disposed gentleman, who tho' singular, -- yet inoffensive in his no- tions, -- so played upon in them by cross purposes ; ---- to look down upon the stage, and see him baffled and over- thrown in all his little systems and wishes ; to behold a train of events perpetually falling out against him, and in so critical and cruel a way, as if they had purposed- ly |
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ly been plann'd and pointed against him, merely to insult his speculations. ---- In a word, to behold such a one, in his old age, ill-fitted for troubles, ten times in a day suffering sorrow ; -- ten times in a day calling the child of his prayers TRI- STRAM ! ---- Melancholy dissyllable of sound ! which, to his ears, was unison to Nincompoop, and every name vitupera- tive under heaven. ---- By his ashes ! I swear it, -- if ever malignant spirit took pleasure, or busied itself in traversing the purposes of mortal man, -- it must have been here ; -- and if it was not necessary I should be born before I was christened, I would this moment give the reader an account of it. C H A P. |
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------ How could you, Madam, be so inattentive in reading the last chapter ? I told you in it, That my mother was not a papist. ---- Papist ! You told me no such thing, Sir. Madam, I beg leave to re- peat it over again, That I told you as plain, at least, as words, by direct infer- ence, could tell you such a thing. -- Then, Sir, I must have miss'd a page. -- No, Ma- dam, -- you have not miss'd a word. ---- Then I was asleep, Sir. -- My pride, Ma- dam, cannot allow you that refuge. ---- Then, I declare, I know nothing at all about the matter. -- That, Madam, is the very fault I lay to your charge ; and as a punishment for it, I do insist upon it, that you immediately turn back, that is, as soon as you get to the next full stop, and read the whole chapter over again. VOL. I. I I |
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I have imposed this penance upon the lady, neither out of wantonness or cruelty, but from the best of motives ; and there- fore shall make her no apology for it when she returns back : -- 'Tis to rebuke a vicious taste which has crept into thou- sands besides herself, -- of reading straight forwards, more in quest of the adven- tures, than of the deep erudition and knowledge which a book of this cast, if read over as it should be, would infalli- bly impart with them. ---- The mind should be accustomed to make wise re- flections, and draw curious conclusions as it goes along ; the habitude of which made Pliny the younger affirm, ``That he never read a book so bad, but he drew some profit from it.'' The stories of Greece and Rome, run over without this turn and application, -- do less service, I affirm it, than the history of Parismus and Par- |
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Parismenus, or of the Seven Champions of England, read with it. ------ But here comes my fair Lady. Have you read over again the chapter, Madam, as I desired you ? -- You have : And did you not observe the passage, upon the second reading, which admits the inference ? ---- Not a word like it ! Then, Madam, be pleased to ponder well the last line but one of the chapter, where I take upon me to say, ``It was necessary I should be born before I was christen'd.'' Had my mother, Madam, been a Papist, that consequence did not follow. * I 2 It * The Romish Rituals direct the baptizing of the child, in cases of danger, before it is born ; -- but upon this proviso, That some part or other of the child's body be seen by the baptizer : ---- But the Doctors of the Sorbonne, by a deliberation held amongst them, April 10, 1733, -- have enlarged the powers |
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Docteurs de SORBONNE *. UN Chirurgien Accoucheur, represente á Messieurs les Docteurs de Sorbonne, qu'il y a des cas, quoique très-rares, oú une mere ne sçauroit accoucher, & même oú l'enfant est tellement renfermé dans le sein de sa mere, qu'il ne fait parôitre aucune partie de son corps, ce qui seroit un cas, sui- vant les Rituels, de lui conférer, du moins sous condition, le baptême. Le Chirurgien, qui consulte, prétend, par le moyen d'une petite canulle, de pouvoir baptiser imme- diatement l'enfant, sans faire aucun tort á la mere. ---- Il demande si ce moyen, qu' il vient de proposer, est permis & légitime, & s'il peut s'en servir dans le cas qu' il vient d'exposer. R E- * Vide Deventer. Paris Edit. 4to, 1734. p. 366 |
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LE Conseil estime, que la question proposée souffre de grandes difficultes. Les Théo- logiens posent d'un coté pour principe, que le baptême, qui est une naissance spirituelle, suppose une premiere naissance ; il faut être né dans le monde, pour renâitre en Jesus Christ, comme ils l'enseignent. S. Thomas, 3â. part. quæst. 68. artic. II. suit cette doctrine comme une verité constante ; l'on ne peut, dit ce S. Docteur, baptiser les enfans qui sont renfermés dans le sein de leurs meres, et S. Thomas est fondé sur ce, que les enfans ne sont point nés, & ne peuvent être comptés parmi les autres hommes ; d'ou il conclud, qu'ils ne peuvent être l'objet d'une action extérieure, pour recevoir par leur ministere les sacremens nécessaires au salut : pueri in maternis uteris existentes nondum pro- I 4 dierunt |
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dierunt in lucem ut cum aliis hominibus vitam ducant ; unde non possunt subjici actioni humanæ, ut per eorum ministe- rium sacramenta recipiant ad salutem. Les rituels ordonnent dans la pratique ce que les theologiens ont établi sur les mêmes ma- tiéres, & ils deffendent tous d'une maniére uniforme de baptiser les enfans qui sont ren- fermés dans le sein de leurs meres, s' ils ne font paroitre quelque partie de leurs corps. Le concours des théologiens, & des rituels, qui sont les régles des diocéses, paroît former une autorité qui termine la question presente; cependant le conseil de conscience considerant d'un côté, que le raisonnement des théologiens est uniquement fondé sur une raison de con- venance, & que la deffense des rituels, suppose que l'on ne peut baptiser immediatement les enfans ainsi renfermés dans le sein de leurs meres, ce qui est contre la supposition presente ; & d'un autre côté, considerant que les mêmes théo- |
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théologiens enseignent, que l'on peut risquer les sacremens qu' Jesus Christ á établis comme des moyens faciles, mais nécessaires pour sanctifier les hommes ; & d'ailleurs estimant, que les enfans renfermés dans le sein de leurs meres, pourroient être capables de salut, parce qu'ils sont capables de damnation ; -- pour ces considerations, & eu égard a l'ex- posé, suivant lequel on assure avoir trouvé un moyen certain de baptiser ces enfans ainsi renfermés, sans faire aucun tort a la mere, le Conseil estime que l'on pourroit se servir du moyen proposé, dans la confiance qu'il a, que Dieu n'a point laissé ces sortes d'enfans sans aucuns secours, & supposant, comme il est exposé, que le moyen dont il s'agit est propre a leur procurer le baptême ; cependant comme il s'agiroit, en autorisant la pratique proposée, de changer une régle universellement établie, le Conseil croit que celui qui consulte doit s'addresser a son évêque, a qui il ap- partient |
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partient de juger de l'utilité, & du danger du moyen proposé, & comme, sous le bon plaisir de l'evêque, le conseil estime qu'il faudroit recourir au Pape, qui a le droit d'ex- pliquer les régles de l'eglise, & d' y déroger dans le cas, ou la loi ne sçauroit obliger, quel- que sage& quelque utile que paroisse la maniére de baptiser dont il s'agit, le conseil ne pourroit l'approuver sans le concours de ces deux auto- rités. On conseille au moins a' celui qui consulte, de s'adresser á son evêque, & de lui faire part de la presente décision, afin que, si le prélat entre dans les raisons sur lesquelles les docteurs soussignés s'appuyent, il puisse être autorisé dans le cas de nécessité, ou il risqueroit trop d'at- tendre que la permission fût demandée & ac- cordée d'employer le moyen qu' il propose si avantageux au salut de l'enfant. Au reste le conseil, en estimant que l'on pourroit s'en servir, croit cependant que si les enfans dont il s'agit venoient au monde, contre l'esperance de |
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de ceux qui se seroient servis du même moyen, il séroit nécessaire de les baptiser sous condi- tion, & en cela, le conseil se conforme a tous les rituels, qui, en autorisant le baptême d'un enfant qui fait paroître quelque partie de son corps, enjoignent neanmoins, & ordonnent de le baptiser sous condition, s'il vient heu- reusement au monde. Déliberé en Sorbonne, le 10 Avril, 1733. A. LE MOYNE, L. DE ROMIGNY, DE MARCILLY. Mr. Tristram Shandy's compliments to Messrs. Le Moyne, De Romigny, and De Marcilly, hopes they all rested well the night after so tiresome a consultation. -- He begs to know, whether, after the ce- remony of marriage, and before that of con- |