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of the line of science too ; -- for consider, it had one eighth part of his body to bear up ; -- so that in this case the po- sition of the leg is determined, -- because the foot could be no further advanced, or the knee more bent, than what would allow him, mechanically, to receive an eighth part of his whole weight under it, -- and to carry it too.  This I recommend to painters ; -- need I add, -- to orators ? -- I think not ; for, unless they practise it, -- they must fall upon their noses. So much for Corporal Trim's body and legs. -- He held the sermon loosely, -- not carelessly, in his left hand, raised some- thing above his stomach, and detach'd a little from his breast ; ---- his right arm falling negligently by his side, as nature and |
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and the laws of gravity order'd it, -- but with the palm of it open and turned to- wards his audience, ready to aid the sen- timent, in case it stood in need. Corporal Trim's eyes and the muscles of his face were in full harmony with the other parts of him ; -- he look'd frank, -- unconstrained, -- something assured, ---- but not bordering upon assurance. Let not the critick ask how Corporal Trim could come by all this ; I've told him it shall be explained ; -- but so he stood before my father, my uncle Toby, and Dr. Slop, -- so swayed his body, so contrasted his limbs, and with such an oratorical sweep throughout the whole figure, -- a statuary might have modell'd from it ; ---- nay, I doubt whether the oldest Fellow of a College, -- or the He- G 4 brew |
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brew Professor himself, could have much mended it. Trim made a bow, and read as follows : HEBREWS xiii. 18. ------ For we trust we have a good Conscience. ---- ``TRust ! -- Trust we have a good `` conscience !'' [Certainly, Trim, quoth my father, in- terrupting him, you give that sentence a very improper accent ; for you curl up your nose, man, and read it with such a sheering tone, as if the Parson was going to abuse the Apostle. He |
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He is, an' please your Honour, replied Trim. Pugh ! said my father, smiling. Sir, quoth Dr. Slop, Trim is certainly in the right ; for the writer, (who I per- ceive is a Protestant) by the snappish manner in which he takes up the Apostle, is certainly going to abuse him, -- if this treatment of him has not done it already. But from whence, replied my father, have you concluded so soon Dr. Slop, that the writer is of our Church ? -- for aught I can see yet, -- he may be of any Church : ---- Because, answered Dr. Slop, if he was of ours, --- he durst no more take such a licence, -- than a bear by his beard : ---- If, in our communion, Sir, a man was to insult an Apostle, ---- a saint, ---- or even the paring of a saint's nail, -- he would have his eyes scratched out. ---- What, by the saint ? quoth my uncle |
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uncle Toby. No ; replied Dr. Slop, -- he would have an old house over his head. Pray, is the Inquisition an antient build- ing, answered my uncle Toby, or is it a modern one ? -- I know nothing of archi- tecture, replied Dr. Slop. -- An' please your Honours, quoth Trim, the Inquisi- tion is the vilest ---- Pri'thee spare thy description, Trim, I hate the very name of it, said my father. -- No matter for that, answered Dr. Slop, -- it has its uses ; for tho' I'm no great advocate for it, yet in such a case as this, he would soon be taught better manners ; and I can tell him, if he went on at that rate, would be flung into the Inquisition for his pains. God help him then, quoth my uncle Toby. Amen, added Trim ; for, heaven above knows, I have a poor brother who has been fourteen years a captive in it. -- I never heard one word of it before, said my |
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my uncle Toby, hastily : -- How came he there, Trim ? ---- O, Sir ! the story will make your heart bleed, -- as it has made mine a thousand times ; -- but it is too long to be told now ; -- your Honour shall hear it from first to last some day when I am working besides you in our fortifications ; ---- but the short of the story is this : ---- That my brother Tom went over a servant to Lisbon, -- and then married a Jew's widow, who kept a small shop, and sold sausages, which, some how or other, was the cause of his being taken in the middle of the night out of his bed, where he was lying with his wife and two small children, and carried di- rectly to the Inquisition, where, God help him, continued Trim, fetching a sigh from the bottom of his heart, -- the poor ho- nest lad lies confined at this hour ; -- he was as honest a soul, added Trim, (pulling |
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(pulling out his handkerchief) as ever blood warm'd. ------ ------ The tears trickled down Trim's cheeks faster than he could well wipe them away : -- A dead silence in the room ensued for some minutes. -- Certain proof of pity ! Come, Trim, quoth my father, after he saw the poor fellow's grief had got a little vent, -- read on, -- and put this me- lancholy story out of thy head : -- I grieve that I interrupted thee ; -- but pri'thee be- gin the sermon again ; -- for if the first sentence in it is matter of abuse, as thou sayest, I have a great desire to know what kind of provocation the Apostle has given. Corporal Trim wiped his face, and re- turning his handkerchief into his pocket, 3 and |
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and making a bow as he did it, -- he be- gan again.] HEBREWS xiii. 18. ------ For we trust we have a good Conscience. ------ ``TRust! trust we have a good con- `` science ! Surely if there is any ``thing in this life which a man may ``depend upon, and to the knowledge of ``which he is capable of arriving upon ``the most indisputable evidence, it must ``be this very thing, -- whether he has a ``good conscience or no.'' [I am positive I am right, quoth Dr. Slop.] `` If |
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``If a man thinks at all, he cannot ``well be a stranger to the true state of ``this account ; -- he must be privy to ``his own thoughts and desires ; ---- he ``must remember his past pursuits, and ``know certainly the true springs and ``motives which, in general, have go- ``verned the actions of his life.'' [I defy him, without an assistant, quoth Dr. Slop.] ``In other matters we may be deceived ``by false appearances ; and, as the Wise ``Man complains, hardly do we guess ``aright at the things that are upon the ``earth, and with labour do we find the ``things that are before us. But here the ``mind has all the evidence and facts ``within herself; -- is conscious of the web ``she has wove ; -- knows its texture and ``fine- |
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``fineness, and the exact share which ``every passion has had in working upon ``the several designs which virtue or vice ``had plann'd before her.'' [The language is good, and I declare Trim reads very well, quoth my father.] ``Now, -- as conscience is nothing else ``but the knowledge which the mind has ``within herself of this ; and the judg- ``ment, either of approbation or censure, ``which it unavoidably makes upon the ``successive actions of our lives ; 'tis plain ``'you will say, from the very terms of ``the proposition, -- whenever this inward ``testimony goes against a man, and he ``stands self-accused, -- that he must ne- ``cessarily be a guilty man. -- And, on ``the contrary, when the report is fa- ``vourable on his side, and his heart con- 2 ``demns |
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``demns him not ; -- that it is not a mat- ``ter of trust, as the Apostle intimates, ``-- but a matter of certainty and fact, ``that the conscience is good, and that ``the man must be good also.'' [Then the Apostie is altogether in the wrong, I suppose, quoth Dr. Slop, and the Protestant divine is in the right. Sir, have patience, replied my father, for I think it will presently appear that St. Paul and the Protestant divine are both of an opinion. -- As nearly so, quoth Dr. Slop, as East is to West ; -- but this, continued he, lifting both hands, comes from the liberty of the press. It is no more, at the worst, replied my uncle Toby, than the liberty of the pulpit ; for it does not appear that the sermon is printed, or ever likely to be. Go |
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Go on, Trim, quoth my father.] ``At first sight this may seem to be a ``true state of the case ; and I make no ``doubt but the knowledge of right and ``wrong is so truly impressed upon the ``mind of man, -- that did no such thing ``ever happen, as that the conscience of ``a man, by long habits of sin, might ``(as the scripture assures it may) insen- ``sibly become hard ; -- and, like some ``tender parts of his body, by much ``stress and continual hard usage, lose, ``by degrees, that nice sense and percep- ``tion with which God and nature en- ``dow'd it : -- Did this never happen ; -- ``or was it certain that self-love could ``never hang the least bias upon the ``judgment ; -- or that the little interests ``below could rise up and perplex the ``faculties of our upper regions, and VOL. II H ``en- |
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``encompass them about with clouds and ``thick darkness : ------ Could no such ``thing as favour and affection enter this ``sacred COURT : -- Did WIT disdain to ``take a bribe in it ; -- or was asham'd to ``shew its face as an advocate for an un- ``warrantable enjoyment : -- Or, lastly, ``were we assured, that INTEREST stood ``always unconcern'd whilst the cause ``was hearing, -- and that PASSION never ``got into the judgment-seat, and pro- ``nounc'd sentence in the stead of reason, ``which is supposed always to preside ``and determine upon the case : ---- Was ``this truly so, as the objection must ``suppose ; -- no doubt then, the religious ``and moral state of a man would be ``exactly what he himself esteem'd it ; -- ``and the guilt or innocence of every ``man's life could be known, in general, ``by no better measure, than the de- ``grees |
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``grees of his own approbation and cen- ``sure. ``I own, in one case, whenever a man's ``conscience does accuse him, (as it sel- ``dom errs on that side) that he is guil- ``ty ; and, unless in melancholy and hy- ``pochondriack cases, we may safely pro- ``nounce upon it, that there is always ``sufficient grounds for the accusation. ``But the converse of the proposition ``will not hold true ; ---- namely, that ``whenever there is guilt the conscience ``must accuse ; and if it does not, that ``a man is therefore innocent. -- This is ``not fact : -- So that the common con- ``solation which some good christian or ``other, is hourly administering to him- ``self, -- that he thanks God his mind ``does not misgive him ; and that, con- H 2 ``sequently, |
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``sequently, he has a good conscience, ``because he has a quiet one, -- is falla- ``cious ; -- and as current as the inference ``is, and as infallible as the rule appears ``at first sight, yet, when you look nearer ``to it, and try the truth of this rule ``upon plain facts, -- you see it liable to ``so much error from a false application ; ``-- the principle upon which it goes so ``often perverted ; -- the whole force of ``it lost, and sometimes so vilely cast ``away, that it is painful to produce the ``common examples from human life ``which confirm the account. ``A man shall be vicious and utterly ``debauched in his principles ; -- excep- ``tionable in his conduct to the world ; ``shall live shameless, in the open com- ``mission of a sin which no reason or pre- ``tence can justify ; -- a sin, by which, ``con- |
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``contrary to all the workings of huma- ``nity, he shall ruin for ever the deluded ``partner of his guilt ; -- rob her of her ``bestdowry ; and not only cover her own ``head with dishonour, -- but involve a ``whole virtuous family in shame and ``sorrow for her sake. -- Surely, you will ``think conscience must lead such a man ``a troublesome life ; -- he can have no ``rest night or day from its reproaches. ``Alas ! CONSCIENCE had something ``else to do, all this time, than break in ``upon him ; as Elijah reproached the ``God Baal, ---- this domestick God was ``either talking, or pursuing, or was in a ``journey, or peradventure he slept and ``could not be awoke. ``Perhaps HE was gone out in com- ``pany with HONOUR to fight a duel ; -- H 3 ``to |
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``to pay off some debt at play ; ---- or ``dirty annuity, the bargain of his lust : ``Perhaps CONSCIENCE all this time was ``engaged at home, talking loud against ``petty larceny, and executing vengeance ``upon some such puny crimes as his ``fortune and rank in life secured him ``against all temptation of committing ; ``so that he lives as merrily,'' [if he was of our church tho', quoth Dr. Slop, he could not] -- ``sleeps as soundly in his ``bed ; -- and at last meets death as un- ``concernedly; -- perhaps much more so ``than a much better man.'' [All this is impossible with us, quoth Dr. Slop, turning to my father, -- the case could not happen in our Church. ---- It happens in ours, however, replied my fa- ther, but too often. -- I own, quoth Dr. Slop, (struck a little with my father's frank |
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frank acknowledgment) -- that a man in the Romish Church may live as badly ; -- but then he cannot easily die so. -- 'Tis little matter, replied my father, with an air of indifference, -- how a rascal dies. -- I mean, answer'd Dr. Slop,he would be de- nied the benefits of the last sacraments. -- Pray how many have you in all, said my uncle Toby, -- for I always forget ? -- Seven, answered Dr. Slop. -- Humph ! -- said my uncle Toby ; -- tho' not accented as a note of acquiescence, -- but as an inter- jection of that particular species of sur- prize, when a man, in looking into a drawer, finds more of a thing than he ex- pected. -- Humph ! replied my uncle Toby. Dr. Slop, who had an ear, understood my uncle Toby as well as if he had wrote a whole volume against the seven sacra- ments. ------ Humph ! replied Dr. Slop, (stating my uncle Toby's argument over H 3 again |
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again to him) ---- Why, Sir, are there not seven cardinal virtues ? ---- Seven mortal sins ? ---- Seven golden candle- sticks ? ---- Seven heavens ? ------ 'Tis more than I know, replied my uncle Toby. ---- Are there not seven wonders of the world ? --- Seven days of the crea- tion ? -- Seven planets ? -- Seven plagues ? -- That there are, quoth my father, with a most affected gravity. But pri'thee, continued he, go on with the rest of thy characters, Trim.] ``Another is sordid, unmerciful, (here ``Trim waved his right hand) a strait- ``hearted, selfish wretch, incapable either ``of private friendship or publick spirit. ``Take notice how he passes by the wi- ``dow and orphan in their distress, and ``sees all the miseries incident to human ``life without a sigh or a prayer.'' [And please |
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please your Honours, cried Trim, I think this a viler man than the other.] ``Shall not conscience rise up and sting ``him on such occasions ? -- No ; thank ``God there is no occasion ; I pay every ``man his own ; -- I have no fornication to ``answer to my conscience ; -- no faithless ``vows or promises to make up ; -- I have ``debauched no man's wife or child ; thank ``God, I am not as other men, adulterers, ``unjust, or even as this libertine, who ``stands before me. ``A third is crafty and designing in ``his nature. View his whole life ; -- 'tis ``nothing but a cunning contexture of ``dark arts and unequitable subterfuges, ``basely to defeat the true intent of all ``laws, -- plain dealing and the safe en- ``joyment of our several properties. ---- ``You |
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